Divorced for (detail removed by moderator) years and still being financially controlled by my ex

[Tessa]

This is my first post.

(Detail removed by moderator) years ago I foolishly agreed to a financial agreement that is very unfair and I am still trying to make ends meet while my ex-husband is living in our matrimonial home, claiming all the benefits and dictating when I can see the children This has been going on for so long all because I have been too scared to stand up to him.

We have 3 children together, the youngest is (detail removed by moderator)  and I have been struggling on a low income because I moved out of our home  (detail removed by moderator) years ago as I was desperate to get away from his unreasonable behaviour. I also agreed to him keeping the house, which is worth a lot of money, until the youngest child finishes his education. I believe at the time I received bad legal advice and now I cannot afford a Solicitor to appeal this decision through the Courts.

I have tried many ways to make my situation work, even trying to buy an affordable home, but that has all fallen through, costing me over £1,000 in fees and the two bedroom house I am living in is just too small. Our children have their own bedrooms at their Dad’s house but they would still rather spend more time with me.

I have never been happy with this situation but every time I have tried to talk to my ex about it, he makes me feel stupid and says that ‘he is the main carer’. He even says that I am ‘harassing him’ when I bring up the subject of money. To cut a long story short, he is stopping me from claiming any benefits by removing my address from school records, doctors etc. and despite the fact that the boys spend a lot of time with me, I receive no benefits to help pay towards the cost of food or clothes etc.

I am hoping to overturn this decision and force him to sell the house (there is no Court Order in place regarding custody, only regarding the fact that he can keep the house until the youngest finishes education) but I cannot afford it and I am trying to find out if I am entitled to Legal Aid.

I cannot afford to live on my salary and have got into debt because of it. I have a mortgage and a loan. He does not need to live in a house worth over  (detail removed by moderator)  when I am struggling. My inheritance from my parents’ house is also tied up in this house. The boys are older now and can see how unfair this situation is but they too are scared to talk to him about it. I would just like some advice on which way to turn on this.

Thank you.

[Twisted Sister]

Dear Tessa

Well done for escaping him! Like you say, as there are children its a way for him to continue control.

Could all of you live at yours?

Also, the school should have no right to remove your name from their contact record, he’s doesn’t have the authority to do this, neither at the doctors.

If the children want to live with you what’s to stop that happening?

Try calling Rights of Women, for free legal advice. It can take a while to get through so keep trying. I would particularly ask them about previous bad legal advice as yiu may have recourse through the legal system against that solicitors/barristers.

If they are all old enough to decide for themselves then they can move to yours.

Make sure you have a record of his abuses to them, even if it’s a personal journal that you then report on 101.

If they are scared of him the police as social services should know this.

I wish you every strength, do keep posting so sad for your situation.

Warmest wishes ts

[Author]

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