Do all abusers have a personality disorder?

[Freetobethegreatest]

Hello

I was just wondering what your views are on this? I believe my partner has a borderline personality disorder and just wondered if all abusers have some sort of disorder?

[KIP.]

Many people have personality disorders and are not abusive to their partners. Often abusers and the abused use their mental state as an excuse. There is no excuse for abuse.

[Dragonfly]

One of mine did, the other just didn’t like being wrong. Both were controlling and thought they were better than me. Both played on my patience and kindness. Both were verbally and physically abusive. One covert one overt. One diagnosed with personality disorder. At the end of the day it’s a choice they make. Now the one I’m divorcing has become abusive again insofar as he’s trying to manipulate our son. It’s not working tho. He actually believes he can ruin me financially. He absolutely cannot. He’s losing the ‘game’ now. Remember it’s a choice they make.

[Ayanna]

What is a personality disorder?
Have you heard of the Drop the disorder movement?
Personality disorder is quite an abusive diagnosis for many with no substance.

Abusers abuse because they can.
Many people abuse when they feel that they cannot get caught. That happens in all situations of life.
It is a deliberate and willful act.
They could as well decide not to do it.

(detail removed by moderator).

[Dragonfly]

I can without any doubt confirm mine definitely has a personality disorder. He was diagnosed with it. Unfortunately it’s a fact some abusers do have these disorders.

[SunshineRainflower]

In his book Lundy Bancroft wrote that only a small proportion of them do, I think there was some research on it. That means the majority of abusers don’t have any disorder and just choose to abuse.

Even if they have a disorder, there is absolutely no excuse for their behaviour and it is still a choice to abuse as it gets them the power they crave. I believe my ex would class as having Antisocial personality disorder as he fits the profile of it scarily accurately. However the percentage of the population with these disorders is small compared to the amount of people who abuse, so most abusers have no disorder at all and consciously choose to behave this way. And the ones with the disorders like ASPD are naturally deceitful, manipulative and callous as the disorder is characterised by these traits. There is also no cure for these disorders and people with them don’t feel like there is anything wrong with them so never seek help, and in the case of people with ASPD, they actively enjoy hurting and manipulating others as they see people as objects to play with since they have zero empathy.

[phantasmagorical]

This really puzzles me because of the seeming overlap between certain personality disorder characteristics, and abusive behaviour and mentalities.

Personality disorders seem to be used to account for or even explain away abusive behaviour. It is even more confusing when people say that abusers aren’t in control of their actions, on account of their disorders. My previous counsellor even said that my ex’s actions were not fully in his control because of his depression. But I was depressed too? So whose depression was more real and valid? It was messing with my mind and I stopped going to see her.

For a while I have been taking a lot of issue with how certain behaviours and attitudes are pathologised. Maybe it is only serving to blur the lines between mental illness and abusive behaviour. I know they can occur together, but they’re not the same, yet for some reason I feel confused why I can’t explain that?

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