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    • #141879
      Mellow
      Participant

      My partner got his stay in England (detail removed by moderator) we had children and since he has not stopped going back to his home for months or weeks I have nothing against this but it’s stopping me getting employment he is always saying I have to stay home never thinks about my life constantly talks about himself any plans are about him I feel like I can’t live my life because I never know when he’s leaving and he just books it and goes.he is now talking about taking the kids without me but I’m not having that he wants to leave them with (detail removed by moderator)  but the kids do not know her he continues to say (detail removed by moderator) and that’s it’s ok he will take them to (detail removed by moderator) and he will go out at night.no I’m not having it

    • #141886
      KIP.
      Participant

      This doesn’t sound right, my ex had another woman. Cheating on me. Very offer going away with his ‘hobby’ or ‘work’. It sounds like he could be planning another life somewhere and keeping the kids. Get some legal advice and talk to womens aid. Make sure you have the passports and are the resident parent.

    • #141888
      Auriel
      Participant

      Mellow, hi, there’s something really off with this, if you were splitting up and he was wanting to take the children back to his home that would be one thing but why is he taking them without you, and 2 I’d be suspicious if he’s going home for that long for no good reason?, it’s not a very mature thing for a man to do in a relationship to go home for weeks, I may be wrong about it but it honestly doesn’t seem right and he’s trying to just isolate you and cement you to the house the whole time (another red flag)?????
      🌼🌺🌼

    • #141894
      HunkyDory
      Participant

      Hi, I agree with the ladies, sounds off to me. My ex was from (detail removed by moderator) too and used to go back for weeks on end. When I went, he insisted he went for a week or two before me, or stay on after I came back. Along with the other abuse, I found he was sending & receiving explicit messages from women in his home town. Never got concrete proof of physical cheating but it was highly likely and that was enough for me. He was the same, never thought about me, always him him him, isolating me from everyone as well.

      Definitely make sure you have the children’s passports safe, ideally with someone you trust and not hidden in the house. Trust your gut, it’s always right xx

    • #141906
      Mellow
      Participant

      Yeah that’s right I think he’s having a emotional relationship with someone he has proven it in my eyes because he uploaded some c**p on social media (detail removed by moderator).but first thing I said was (detail removed by moderator) another abusive scenario I guess so he can do his flirting then happy families they are allowed (detail removed by moderator) wives in that country after all .slimy!don’t agree with that scenario

    • #141907
      Mellow
      Participant

      He has been (detail removed by moderator) god knows where the money is from but (detail removed by moderator) he also has several cars but has nothing in this country dosent want a driving license not fussed on buying a house I feel like I’ve built this man up and brought myself down he can now learn to drive if he wanted buy a house works full time including over time I’ve got nothing and (detail removed by moderator) kids now hard to even work and make money before it was all stay at home have babies but I think he’s changed he’s not talking about the baby issue no more but was adamant he needed a boy (self obsessed)again always feel he is never satisfied sulked like a baby when I had another girl and I risked my life

    • #141908
      Mellow
      Participant

      Just thought its selfish aswell cause he planning on leaving them with (detail removed by moderator) when they’ve never met.continued to say that the kids know her when (detail removed by moderator) my kids would be mortified to stay with her my little girl goes nowhere without me she is only (detail removed by moderator).like how do they not think .a foreign country with strangers a kid in that scenario and think it’s alright

    • #141909
      Mellow
      Participant

      Other issue I’ve got passport but he keeps asking for them he noticed I took them don’t know what to do I have to give excuses

      • #141912
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        Hi Mellow

        This all sounds highly suspect, on top of all you’ve already said about his behaviour, I would alert the police at this point, and give the passports to someone you trust 100%+. He could apply for more passports for them, so the police need to know so that the home office can flag up their passports and whether he might try to leave the country with them. He ‘should’ have to have written authority from the mother to take the kids out of the country, but…I know for sure this isn’t always the case. Better be safe it could be very hard to get them back once they’ve gone, and depending upon the destination country they may not even have any laws requiring them to be returned.

        I am really sorry to say that he sounds like he has more of a life out of the country than in it, and the only thing missing is his children. Its not fair, and extremely distressing for the children to be removed from their primary carer, you, for any length of time especially when so little. He will be able to develop relationships in his country, it will be expected and thats probably what he wants, and he’s not telling you anything.

        If you tell the police he is a flight risk, customs can prevent him leaving a uk airport. With nothing in place he could have a chance of just taking them and leaving, and I have heard of father’s applying for new passports for the children, and you wouldn’t know.

        warmest wishes

        ts

    • #141917
      Mellow
      Participant

      I think your right that he’s not telling me something because again words don’t match to actions.I’ve been thinking more thoroughly and think he wants a life their ultimately he just needs money to create it.but my kids aren’t going know where thanks for your recommendation of alerting the police .do you know how I would do this anonymously.the thing I’m worried about is I can’t make any more excuses to hold these passports he usually keeps them.I’ve said  (detail removed by moderator) but haven’t even done it they are away from the home and I have my other daughter birth certificate (detail removed by moderator) etc he has been keeping it away from me since birth I only got hold because he left the house I know for sure he will want it back and says (detail removed by moderator) .he’s always obsess that he should have them because I loose things

      • #141919
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        all this is even more reason to report him to the police for his controlling behaviour. He does not ‘own’ their passports. They are the children’s and you do need to prevent him gaining access to them. Its not ‘his job’ to do passports. Its frighteningly easy to get a passport for children, and to get passports for another person even if you have the right documents and a picture.

        I don’t know how you could make it anonymous when its your children that the authorities would need to know about preventing them from being snatched from the UK. Its very easy to hide children abroad, particuarly in some countries where a man’s property is unquestioned, and in some countries the women and children are just that, this is all they are his ‘property’, he owns them in some countries.

        If he’s from one of those countries (no need to specify where he’s from, just for your information) it can take very expensive specialist barristers and long court battles to get them back, and often then it can fail.

        If the children have UK passports, then the police and home office can act to keep them here if they are considered a flight risk, of being taken abroad and not returned.

        You would need to explain your circumstances in order for them to understand the reasons for them to act to prevent them leaving trhe country. Its such a travesty that the UK changed the rules around children being on their mother’s passport, and instead having to have their own, and also the parental responsibility legislation, automatically given to the father when its clear that abuse is so very gendered, as is the childcare, and housework responsibility.

        You could ask by calling 101, or have a look online, you could contact the home office to get blocks put on the renewals of their passports, but you would have to explain why.

        Once they’re gone its too late, so better act now, as he could already be processing an application to get new passports, and this can be done in 24 if he wants to pay for that, and sounds like he has available funds if he’s developing the properties like you say he is.

        I am sorry this must be so hard for you to take in and know how to deal with. We’re here for you though, but you need some support irl also and must try to get some before it escalates.

        There are prohibitive steps orders that would prevent him taking the children, like out of school, etc. or leavimg the country too.

        You need the help to do this.

        warmest wishes

        ts

    • #141918
      Mellow
      Participant

      And I know next time he gets it he will keep it in lockable case

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