Do I delay

[citrine]

I want to leave my partner and move out of the house we own together.

I knew I would struggle to rent anywhere working part time. So I have now found full time employment where I will now be able to rent.

But I’m now thinking do I sit here and wait a few more months to create a pot of money to be used as a deposit to but. Or do I just go as soon as.

I’ve tried many times to leave but finances have always held me back but I can now be self sufficient.

But I never know whether I’m just delaying the inevitable which is to leave by creating obstacles.

It’s just hard.

[Lisa]

Hi Citrine,

Thank you for your post. You sound like a really strong person and I am so pleased that you have found a job and the strength to leave your abusive partner. Please do phone the helpline for some advice and support and also have a look at turn2us.org.uk as it may be that you are eligible for some financial help if you were to leave your partner.

If you have the motivation to go right now, I would be inclined to grab hold of it with both hands. Rent somewhere that is not above your means, a house will always feel like a home if there is not abuse within it. Please get plenty of support from your Women’s Aid group too as leaving an abusive relationship can be a dangerous time.

Please keep posting to let us know how you get on. You are doing brilliantly.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[citrine]

I’ve just arranfed to view some flats. Why do I know feel so racked with guilt.

I have no close friends or family near me. I’m not sure how I do this alone with my children.

Feeling confused.

[Imogen]

Hey, you are doing great. This was me only weeks ago.

I went flat hunting, viewed some and got one. I have a move in date very soon and ready to go.

I completely know what you are feeling right now. I feel sick to the belly, have been sick with fear of telling him I’m off. He is going the “over the top” love and care because I think he has an inkling something is going on. I feel high as a kite that I am going, the so crushingly low about it. I now have a counsellor at Relate and a solicitor, thanks to the support and advice from WA.

Call WA and talk through it. Honestly, I am awful at talking about things but the voice on the other end of the line offers support, care, ideas, tips and great comfort.

You got this. I don’t know you, but I knew this was me not that long ago X

[citrine]

Thank you Imogen, you brought tears to my eyes. You seem so strong and motivated. You must feel so proud right now.

I’ve been following your threads and you were the one that inspired me!

I’m so scared of telling him and i’m do scared of just doing it. I’ve tried to leave a few times before and he’s flipped.

I have previously seen a counsellor and i’m thinking i should again to keep on track. I definitely need a solicitor because of the house and kids.

I’ll keep pushing through. Thank you so much for the encouragement.

X*x

[Imogen]

Ah sweetheart that is so kind of you to say. We are all here for each other to get each other into happier safer places.

I just posted about the “how to tell him process” which I’m hoping to speak to WA to get clearer advice. I feel the euphoric highs of strength and the massive lows of weakness but it’s this forum that keeps me going, and phenomenal women like you.

I’m with you, and we are doing this at very similar times, so I’m holding your hand step by step 🙂

[Malaya]

Well done for being so strong and looking after yourselves. I never ever thought I’d cope being a single mum but it’s amazing what you can aceeive when you are out of the clutches of these evil men.

Gingerbread charity is for single mums, lone parent and single with kids are all good places to go for support and info. Money saving expert.com can help with saving and spending less. Turn to us might help you find a grant. Look for some sort of group you can go to with your kids or get in with the local dog walkers, anything that brings you into contact with people so you don’t feel so isolated. If your children are under 5 then you can go to your local children’s centre. Mine is older but they are still helping as they are running a couple of courses for women. I won’t say what and when because it could narrow down my location, but it’s worth contacting them anyway. Local citizens advice can tell you of local support too

Wishing you all the luck in the world. You are very inspirational ladies xx

[citrine]

Thank you ladies.

I know I have to do it for myself and my children.

I do worry about the effects this has had on my eldest she is so sensitive and clingy to me.

Viewings of the flats (removed by moderator). Fingers crossed.

X*x

[Malaya]

Well done, hope the viewing goes ok. Keep us posted xx

[Author]

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