This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Camel 6 days, 4 hours ago.

  • Author
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  • #106348
     Beepbop 
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    I ran away from my abusive ex (detail removed by moderator)  of hell. I took my child with me.
    When I left he took me to court to have access to our child and I’d said hed been abusive. More emotionally and verbally and very controlling.
    There was no evidence and nothing was ever really done about the situation.
    He still controls me to this day and we’ve been to court a few times and every time he says I’m a liar and I made it up because I has PND and so on.
    Now I’ve got a bit more confidence do I go to the police and file a complaint? I don’t know weather it would do any good.
    I’ve got evidence now of him financially abusing me me. But will it tie in or be enough?
    Every time we’ve been to court its been about our child I’ve never went to police and said x, y and z because I was too scared no one would believe me.but if I don’t nip this controlling behaviour in the bud it will never stop. And why should I have to keep suffering because of his controlling actions. I feel like ive suffered enough and I want him to know that I’m not afraid of him anymore.
    Part of me says don’t do it, if there’s no real evidence what can they do? Other hand I’m thinking do it even if nothing comes of it l, it ashows I’m willing to fight my corner if that makes sense?
    Thoughts please?

  • #106354
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I think it’s a good idea to talk it over with a domestic abuse police officer. Making a statement may help other women who have been a victim of his abuse or who will Be in the future. I can tell you it empowered me to hold him accountable. The law has changed very much in 7 years as has the understanding of domestic abuse. You may want support from your local women’s aid too x

  • #106475
     Scottish Thistle 
    Participant

    Hi Beepbop, I remember a policeman telling me once at the house that I needed to get out of the relationship as my husband would never change and he feared how I would end up. His words always stuck with me but I always said to myself I’ll go next time, next time came and I’d say the same. The night I had to call 999 the police were fantastic could not be more supportive if they tried. When I went to woman’s aid and they carried out the marrek test I thought I would score low for a ‘normal’ relationship but was the opposite which was also report to the police and was probably the final wake up call I needed. I used to keep all the abusive emotionally and mentally messages and pictures my husband used to send me as I feared no one would believe me what was going on as nobody knows what really goes on behind closed doors. So when it came to going to the solicitor I was armed with evidence and helped me get the max interdict and exclusion order. In answer to your question about reporting I would or at least try and gather evidence to support you. The only thing I will say about the police is it depends who you get, when I was bombarded with texts, calls, fb messages and WhatsApp I reported to the police and the officer told me just to block his number but to prove harassment etc I needed a record of him doing these things so catch 22. 101 I found not helpful when reporting the latest threat especially when informing them I had an interdict but when being put through to my local police the officer was so helpful and sympathetic and dealt with my husband before her shift ended.
    If you don’t want to go down the route of reporting to the police, try speaking to your local woman’s aid, counsellor or even a doctor these will all be recorded of you seeking help and will help your case.

    Sorry to drone one, it always sounds better when I’m saying it in my head 😀

  • #107632
     Beepbop 
    Participant

    Hi kip and Scottish thistle, thanks for your advice. I just really feel the need to do something. The proof I had from years ago is still in all my old court papers from way back so I’ll have to have a look. Only way he can control me now is financially and thru my son which I’m petrified about. I might speak with a solicitor and see what I can do about it.

  • #107714
     Camel 
    Participant

    Hi Beepbop

    I’m definitely no expert as I don’t need to maintain contact with my abuser. However, I would think it’s empowering to take control and stop feeling victimised. Can anything bad come from making a report? Before you go the police, is there anything in your medical records about having PND? It’s a medical condition and not something to be used as a weapon in court. Get armed with knowledge and a legal representative that you trust. He’ll sh*t himself when he realises he can’t bully you any more. Good luck v

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