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    • #19930
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      It’s been (detail removed by moderator) days since I left, a push which resulted in paper stitches spurned this on. However I have his mother reminding me of how much better we get on when he has a job and we have money. She’s right though. But he doesn’t have a job the now. I desperately want to go home. He’s a cannabis user and through seeing some of his friends relationships I notice a pattern with long term cannabis abuse and domestic violence. However when he tried to come off it things were worse.

    • #19934
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi Lostgirl,

      I always made an excuse for his domestic violence. Many people use canabis and do not commit domestic abuse. Your partner choses to abuse you. If he blames the canabis then he shouldnt be using it knowing he will abuse you but its just and excuse. My ex always blamed alcohol until womens aid pointed out many people drink and dont abuse. Can you get in touch with womens aid. They can explain the cycle of abuse. Or read ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven. Abuse only gets worse. Its confusing and a kind of brain washing where we blame ourselves or they blame us, or drink, or drugs, or anger management but the bottom line is he choses to behave that way. Dont go back. Make a new good safe life for yourself. Did you talk to the police?

    • #19944
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Lostgirl,

      Welcome to the forum. I am pleased to see that you have had some supportive replies both on this thread and your other one. I just wanted to show you some support and to tell you that you have done so well to leave this abusive relationship. You mention in your last post that as well as this very physical recent assault he has also spat on you, kicked you, pushed you, controlled what you wear and verbally assaulted you on regular occasions. You also mention that he has been in touch and isn’t even very sorry. Please really think carefully about returning to this man, you have a child together and this must be very upsetting and damaging for you and your child. It is very worrying that he is showing no remorse and seems to be blaming you for leaving when he caused you to have stitches.

      Please use this time to really get some support from Women’s Aid and to try not to have any contact with him. Given his drug abuse and his level of violence to you it would be advisable that you log his behaviour with the police and I would recommend that you speak to Social Services before he tries to manipulate the situation. It may be that later down the line you do not wish him to have contact with your child so evidence will be useful in keeping you and your child safe. Please also talk to a GP about your situation. If you do not want him to have contact with the child you can wait for him to speak to a solicitor about contact and you could push for supervised contact so that you know your little one is safe. He sounds like a very unapologetic, dangerous, abusive man and returning is likely to mean even worse abuse as he will be keen to punish you for leaving so please try to be strong.

      We are all here for you so please keep posting.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

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