31st December 2018 at 5:16 pm #69639PrincessCrownParticipant
So my boyfriend has recently started saying things and passing them off as a joke and I need to know if I’m actually boring or if this is abuse. He bought me some flowers (detail removed by Moderator) ago and I couldn’t carry them home because I had a lot of stuff so I left them at his. (detail removed by Moderator) he said (detail removed by Moderator) The flowers aren’t the only thing he bought me but I took the rest home. He passed those comments off as a joke. Then (detail removed by Moderator) he said (detail removed by Moderator) So I replied with (detail removed by Moderator) And he said (detail removed by Moderator) Basically telling me to get a grip. I said that some jokes aren’t funny and that they hurt my feelings and he said (detail removed by Moderator) I brought up the thing with the flowers and said (detail removed by Moderator) and he said, with all seriousness, (detail removed by Moderator) And I walked out of the room and burst into tears, I stared at myself in the mirror thinking “Wow, do I? Am I actually that boring that I’m ruining his fun and his attempts at having a laugh?” Hopefully you girls can help me figure it out.
31st December 2018 at 5:39 pm #69640SunshineRainflowerParticipant
No you don’t have a bad sense of humour, your boyfriend just isn’t funny. He’s being cruel. My ex used to joke like this all the time too. It became constant. The jokes got meaner and crueler. It is a really easy way for them to be emotionally abusive towards us and then turn round and say ‘can’t you take a joke?’ or ‘you laughed the first time’ or ‘I didn’t say it like that.’
It had me confused for a while too and like you I brought it up with him a few times only to be gaslighted or for him to act defiant like I was this difficult person. Not long after that it escalated to raised hands and threats to hurt me because I’d said something he didn’t like.
Even if your boyfriend’s abuse never escalates, you want a partner who likes you, loves you and treats you with kindness and respect. Making you feel guilty because you couldn’t carry the flowers, guilt tripping you about money, swearing at you and criticising your sense of humour are all big red flags to me. The irony I found in the end was that abusers have zero sense of humour whatsoever and are the most hypersensitive people you can ever meet. The only thing they seem to enjoy is making other people feel bad.
31st December 2018 at 8:32 pm #69651KIP.Participant
It’s typical abuser behaviour. To hurt us and disguise it as a joke. You’re too sensitive, you’ve no sense of humour, you can’t take a joke. They mask their abusive behaviour behind such comments. Have you read Living With The Dominator by Pat Craven. It’s a good book for you to learn about abusers.
31st December 2018 at 9:06 pm #69653IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there and no you don’t have a bad sense of humour but he has. If you’ve told him what he says isnt funny and it hurts you’re feelings, you’re he says you’re being sensitive or over dramatic, that’s lies. He’s not listening and pushing you into accepting his bad behaviour more and more. My oh says I’m no fun anymore, that I can’t take a joke. What he says and does is far from funny, I’m biding my time.
Keep posting and reading our posts, there is such a common thread running through them all, abusive behaviour, abusive words and abusive affections. We’re not crazy ladies, we’re articulate, strong women, who our oh has tried to destroy, fir whatever reason. We can do this. #21stcenturysuffragettes 💜💜
1st January 2019 at 9:13 am #69672FlowerchildParticipant
Hi, Princess crown. No, you don’t. He isn’t funny and the things he says aren’t jokes and aren’t intended to make you laugh. They’re intended to wound, belittle and control and that’s not funny in the slightest.
He’s trying to hand you the responsibility and blame for the hurt; you should laugh it off and go back for more is his weird logic. No – we move away from things and people and situations that hurt us and we avoid them in the future. That’s how this works, not his twisted way!
Hold on to this: there’s nothing wrong with you or your ‘sense of humour’. The problem is 100% him.
1st January 2019 at 11:07 am #69683[email protected]Participant
Hi there, at least your not living with him, which makes everything alot easier if you decide to end this relationship. It won’t do any harm to set some clear boundaries down to him now, which you have done. I personally wouldn’t let him see you upset as this is what he wants. Have you read about the grey rock technique? That might work, giving no reaction at all tends to make them give up on whatever tactic they’re using. If he ups the anti in anyway when you put your boundaries firmly in place then I’d say leave safely. I can only say abusive men get worse over time and they use all sorts to mask their behaviour. I’d cut your losses now if you feel that’s how this Is going, because there’s better guys out there, I promise xx I’m starting to be a firm believer we only get what we are willing to take and that’s when we’re out of an abusive relationship. When were in one sometimes we end up having no choice, don’t leave it too long if your guts telling you this isn’t right xx best wishes diy ❤
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