do I or don't I report the historic rapes

[Falling Skys]

Hi

I have since starting my road to freedom said that I would report the rapes that he subjected me to over the years. But with the house taking the time to sale it’s taking time.

In my conselling last week I said I wanted him brought to account and felt very passionate about it as I felt that this was a way for me to move on.

But after speaking with a friend they said it would cause me more emotional harm. He would never admit or see what he did was wrong. And that the best way to get on is the survive and have a good life.

I do beleave that it would never get to court as it would be my word against his. I did think me standing up and saying it was wrong would be enough closure but I’m not so sure now.

I just want to get over this.

FS
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[Anonymous]

I think it’s about having closure from the Attacks as much as the freedom from the person themselves.

I have no real advice to give as I’ve never been in the same situation, but would say to do what you think is best for you. Your friend is looking out for you, but hasn’t been in your shoes. You know you best.

Hugs

TTMO X

[KIP.]

I would say to concentrate on getting away from him. There is no way I would report historical rape when I was still living in the same house. You need to get out of the dysfunction and danger you are in first. I reported it and don’t regret it. It’s on record. He’s been held to account and if he does it again there is my statement to back up another woman but get yourself safe first. There is nothing to stop you writing it all down in your own statement and keeping it safe or give it to a lawyer. Not only will it put you in danger as the police will question him but to some people who don’t understand they won’t see it as credible and you’re still living there. Just my opinion.

[Indiamalachite]

Hey, I know you’ve seen my post and the police were really nice but ultimately dropped it. It’s something only you can decide but even though they haven’t taken more action I am pleased I reported it as I I know he did it, the police know he did it and he knows the police know. If anything happens in the future its on record. BUT I feel in a place of relative safety so you have to think about that. Good luck, I have had some great support from an ISVA but it has been v hard emotionally – It’s brought a lot of things up and I had to go on anti anxiety meds. My ISVA says even if they don’t prosecute I am standing up for all women by speaking out BUT if you can’t or don’t feel able it’s completely understandable, it’s got to be the right decision for you and where you’re at. There’s no time limit on reporting rape so you can take your time and think about it. Sending love xx

[Falling Skys]

Thank you all for your insight, I will wait till Im out before I make any decision or move on with this. I just want to move on and be free, I feel so guilty for putting up with it.

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Hey FS, I know you know what happened with me when I reported mine for historic rape offences. It was really hard, he is still a free man, but like KIP I don’t regret it either. I honestly think you should wait until you are completely out and there’s no ongoing civil cases (ie the house sale) going on…and keep up with the counselling. I think writing it down and keeping it somewhere safe is a good idea. From experience the more disclosures about it you make (of course only when it’s safe to do so) the better.
Should you decide later on to report him, we will all be here as virtual back up and hand-holding.

Why do you feel guilty? xx

[Falling Skys]

Thank you lbp

I feel guilt because I was to scared to put up a fight. That I didn’t mark him in some way.

I lost my voice I was unable to speak. I reverted into myself.

In fact it took years for me even to admit it was rape to myself.

FS

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

I think that’s normal…?

What would have happened if you had tried to fight him?
Our instincts do the best thing they can think of to protect us in that moment. xx

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