Viewing 10 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #13327
      Starmoon
      Participant

      Re my previous post, next week I’m about to face the most agonizing thing I will ever have had to face… And because he’s once again ended it with me- I’m going to face it alone. I don’t want to even go threw with it never mind on my own… But at present he has blocked my number and is showing absolutely no signs that he cares at all. He is looking plainly evil.
      I didn’t really want his mum to know about this at all…. But I want someone to get him to see that I shouldn’t be doing this alone. I don’t know what the rite thing to do is… I should have a loving man by my side helping me threw this :,(

    • #13331
      godschild
      Participant

      Does he know that you are pregnant and doe he know about next week. Do yo have a good relationship with his Mom and does she know about his abuse.
      Im just concerned for your safety if you were to tell his Mom would it make him angry and abusive and threatening to you.
      Have you spoken to anyone proffesional about having it done, does it have to be now, can you have another week to think about it, your emotions understandably are over wrought, not a good time to make such a major decision.
      I just pick up that you may not want to have it done, but feel that everything feels too much and once its done there is no turning back.
      Would his Mom be supportive to you. Could you talk it through with her xx

    • #13333
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I used to be very close to her but he’s built a wedge over the last year. He knows I’m pregnant and knows about (detail removed by Moderator) but as I said- now blocked my number despite only a few days ago telling me he loved me and was going to marry me. He always runs when it’s difficult. I just don’t think he cares at all really. All part of his abuse. His family are blind to how he treats me and thinks the sun shines out of his backside…although they are still scared to ever cross him so how they don’t make a connection I don’t know. I don’t think his mum would want me to deal with this alone but it depends how he’s pained the situation to her xx

    • #13339
      godschild
      Participant

      It may be worth a try to see how she is with you, they all run when things are difficult, they can’t take responsibilty, My late Mother in Law thought the sun shined as well.
      Maybe you need to tell he in detail how he is treating you, its disgusting that he is leaving you alone to deal with this, did he agree to what you have planned next week. Tell her he has left yo and blocked you.
      It could be a good time to heal the wedge he has put between you and his Mom xx

    • #13342
      Starmoon
      Participant

      That’s honestly what I thought. He knows about everything.
      I sent a really detailed msg to her… I tried to explain things in a way that wasn’t too smug or laying blame… Rather listing facts if you know what I mean. I’ve said the last thing I wanted was to involve her but felt it was my last option because he had blocked me. I tried to express how much I need him and can’t make a choice either wash without him. Her response was so cold. (Detail removed by moderator)  What possessed me, like this is all on my head. So firstly I replied by (Detail removed by moderator) And then I’ve blocked her number because anything she says after that is just going to upset me. I honestly don’t know what planet they live on. How could anyone stand by and let their son treat another human being like this. It’s like they are giving him a pat and saying oh their their son- poor you. What the hell???!!!! Why on earth would I ever ever have chosen to be in this situation?! He is the reason our relationship is so unstable because he is the one that does what ever he wants and when I dare question him he tells me I’m in the wrong and that I make his life hell. He then walks out and leaves me.

    • #13345
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi Starmoon, big hugs! When it is agonizing for you, do you really want to go through this?
      Forget about all the other people.
      This decision is about yourself. As a woman you have a right to decide what happens with your body without feeling guilty. If you are ok with it and you know you will always be ok with it, go ahead.
      But if you are already grieving give this a second thought and think of other options. You happiness should be the priority with all decisions. Will you be happy with yourself in a few years? There are other options which may be less painful. What about adoption?
      Big hugs! Make the right decision for yourself. x*x

    • #13348
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI hun

      I wouldnt bother going to the mother in law , they just hold it against u at a later
      stage, or use to there advantage, i know he should be there but his an abuser he wont show no support , i would deal with this using your own friends or family as support and then after yes tell the m in law how abusive her son is but no need to tell her about the pregancy, last thing u want is her or him saying go through with the pregancy, maybe this will change him . They always stick together… just read your message what your m in law said, was just expecting this attidue

    • #13352
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I would never ever be able to give up a baby. If I were to go threw with this pregnancy and mentally survive it myself, then I know I would instantly love the baby just as I have with my two children now. But I’m not sure my mental state would be able to handle the process. I don’t know what the lesser of the two evils is. I know I’ll regret it to an extent but it’s if I can live with that regret. I have two beautiful children.. (Detail removed by moderator). When I was pregnant with her my life was hell… To an extent he was to blame for that, to an extent I suppose I was. I got a beautiful baby at the end of that hellish year and I wouldn’t change her but during that time before she was born I have never ever been so unhappy and so lost. There was no escape, I was lonely and isolated. And if I go threw that again so soon afterwards… I’ll only become more isolated. I don’t feel I can face that immediate downward spiral. That’s my biggest fear. If the baby was here now- I would cope but I it’s not and I think I will be extremely emotionally unstable in 9montns time… So a baby and the children I already have will hugely suffer. As I said. I know I’ll regret this decision and never ever forget it. But my children now just have to come first. I don’t want to risk losing them. If I was in a stable loving relationship it would be so different. But I’m not. I think he’s the reason it’s not stable. I think he’s an abuser but I don’t think I’ll ever really know for sure. The less I think about him in a way the better because I always come around to blaming myself and seeing me as the problem. I just don’t think I deserve to be alone threw this… But I am 🙁

    • #13362
      godschild
      Participant

      How horrible of his Mom to treat you like this, it seems he has spoken to her if she says he wont be coming back and to blame you for getting pregnant, words fail me. Good thing to have blocked her, you don’t ned her input on top of what he has done to you. He has obviously told her a pack of lies.
      I am concerned for you as you say yo know you will regret the decision and you are really being put under such emotional pressure by what he is doing, please don’t go through with it if you are not sure, you are going through so much and the emotional toll of this could be too much to bear after it is done, there are charities that will talk to you and help you make the right decision, why not give yourself a litle more time xx

    • #13373
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I knew that posting such I contravercial and sensitive subject would provoke judgment or at least some edging me towards not going threw with it. I suppose I knew that I also ran the risk of losing the support of many on here because of it but I had to talk to someone about this. If anything it’s confirmed my decision, it’s not something I take lightly. I know there will be many who have had to do the same as me. If m Any woman who goes threw this and says they don’t have some regrets then they would be lying. I know I will find this incredibly hard but ultimately as I said before- my mental state would not survive if I didn’t do this. I believe I would totally lose what little bit of myself I have left and my children would suffer for this. I nearly lost myself entirely whilst pregnant with my youngest and I fear if I go threw that again, I won’t be fit to take care of my children. This will be heartbreaking and I know there will be some days that are harder than others but there will be escape and better days too. There’s no outreach support in my area, mind no longer has funding for counseling and I’m still on a waiting list threw the cmht for the help I need to build myself up and to realize he is an abuser- if he is one. In the mean time, this is literally the only place I can turn

    • #13389
      godschild
      Participant

      Starmoon, I want to say that I am in NO way judging you at all, this forum is for support. My concerns are for you and concern that I know ladies that have really suffered after a termination. You are in such an emotional state at present and I was concerned that you were making an irreversable decision.
      You certainly won’t loose any support on here from me.

Viewing 10 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account