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    • #126702
      Rosemary
      Participant

      When my partner gets annoyed about something and his haveing a conversation with me the word he keeps useing is do I UNDERSTAND!!! And am I right am I talking sense then he expects me to answer him i dont give him a answer then he gets aburped with me and says well am I makeing sense tell me .
      I just feel like his talking to like a child but you would not even talk to a child like that . It a going problem useing thease words when he gets annoyed about something.

      My partner also goes mental about doing house work he does house work but he takes it out of my children even thoe they help with house work to my partner that’s not good enuff because he still goes around give abuse to me and my children. I clean all the time and my children do help out . The thing is children want to play outside which is good for there mental health my partner moans that they want to play he said they should be doing house work I think my parnter is tottaly wrong . Yes my children are old enuff to understand how to clean ect but he dont have to make them feel a prison in there own home this is how he makes me feel .

      My Advocate has email me and soon as I get space on my own she going to phone me and do a surport plane with me does this mean a safe plan to get out ?

    • #126706
      KIP.
      Participant

      With an abuser it’s all about control. It doesn’t matter if you have the cleanest house in the world he will just change the goal posts and use something else to exert his control. Here is a little story that stuck in my head. Arguing with an abuser is like playing chess with a pidgin. Even when they lose they will knock the pieces over and s**t on the board and strut about like they’ve won. You won’t ever win with an abuser because just by engaging with him, he’s wining. A support plan will mean she will go over your options and see what you want to do then help facilitate that. She won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to x

    • #126707
      Rosemary
      Participant

      That’s so true what you are saying Kip your story made sense to me . I cant believe that his trying to control me and my children in this way is wrong like you said you could have the clearest house and my partner he would still try and control us he must realise that his doing this to us Kip .

      Thank you for explaining to me what the surport plane means I had a idea but I wanted to make sure I was makeing sense from it .

      Thank you for your surport Kip .

    • #126708
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yes he realises he’s doing this. He chooses to behave this way because it makes him feel good. He absolutely knows how harmful it is to you and your children and abuse always gets worse x

    • #126710
      Rosemary
      Participant

      He has admitted to me Kip that his been horrible to me and he nows it’s not right but he still carry on doing it . I’ve been with him for years and I am just tottaly physically and mentally worn out of his behaviour his made me feel unwell I get pupltatons in my heart every mint of the day its horrible I am tired he also wakes me up out of my sleep as well . Even thoe I give him the sine that I want to be left alone he just carrys on . Some days I really want to run away . Thank you for your support xx

    • #126713
      KIP.
      Participant

      I had heart palpitations. It’s the adrenaline pumping through your body because of the state fear you’re in. I had an overactive thyroid because of the abuse and other physical conditions all brought on by his behaviour. It took me years to recover after I left. The longer you stay the more damage he will inflict and the longer it will take to recover. I too was woken and terrorised. I’ve heard the abuse called intimate terrorism. A good description. They don’t think like we do. They have no empathy. Time to get yourself and the kids out and safe x keep a journal of his behaviour and tell your GP. Evidence could be needed for the future so make sure you keep everything you can. Texts, emails, journal, tell friends and family too x

    • #126714
      Rosemary
      Participant

      That it terrible Kip that you had heart pulplations makes me feel like I am going to die sometimes I have a panic attack its horrible. I’ve been suffering pupltatons for a very long time they got worse over time . Its true what your saying I’ve been with my partner for years and his made me poorly physically and mentally I got I’ll health because of him his just drained me out with his abuse and his behaviour. When my partner give abuse and gets annoyed I email my Advocate and she has my emails of profe my doctors also have profe of the past and even I had profe from women aid as well because I am incontact with them I’ve got other profe as well . Thank you so much for your surport it means alot to me thank you for all your advice and I hope you feel better now with your pupltatons? Xx

    • #126717
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi Rosemary, since I got rid of my abuser my health has improved so much. No more palpitations, my sleep has improved even my skin and hair look different. Stress is very destructive on the body as well as the mind. I lacked concentration and had to give up work because of the abuse. You can change things for the better. You and your kids deserve so much better. Abuse stunts our growth and that of the children and it can have very long lasting effects on you all x stay safe x

    • #126732
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello beautiful Kip

      That is great that you feel better geting away from your abuser. I hope I feel the same as you one day . I am totally worn out my whole body I get constance migraine sleepiness nights my hands shake so much. I’ve had nervous breakdowns I felt like my life not worth liveing its horrible I’ve cry my self to sleep . It’s so draining liveing with abuse and other stress in my life which my partner has caused . The thing is I’ve never had a break from abuse. When I met my husband he physically hurt me really bad he abuse me he rapped me .I’ve been thought so much in my life ive had no break I met my partner and his not made my life any better being abusive aggressive controling abuseing me for years I really dont feel well . My head is shaking to not sure why i never new abuse stunts the growth. I just feel so worn out I am in constance pain in my body and pulplations dont stop in my heart . Thank you for your surport Kip xx

    • #126733
      KIP.
      Participant

      I was raped by my partner. Had a headache for two years. You can escape from this. It took me decades but I did it and life is so much better. It takes a while and hard work but nobody hurting you and destroying your confidence and the world is a much brighter place without him x

    • #126762
      Rosemary
      Participant

      That’s not nice Kip I will escape because I cant cope any longer my partner is giveing me and my children abuse and trying to control us every day it’s just draining me so much and my children hate there dad how he treats them I feel like runway. That is the thing my partner has destroyed my confordantes 100%

      I’ve send my Advocate a email to please help me with a safe plane to get out away from my partner. I need to get away his been abusive and controling geting aggressive every day it’s so horrible I feel sick I got tummyake I got hot sweats to xx

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