Do the children resent me?

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Yesterday my youngest child wanted to tell me something and have a chat. I drove over to his Dad’s. Picked him up and we went back to mine. He told me how life was really difficult for him right now. All I do is cry whenever he comes to stay with me and I complain about Dad. I guess I vent when they ask me stuff and I don’t know the answer because their Dad won’t communicate with me at all. I can’t get him to respond to emails about our children’s wellbeing etc. (detail removed by moderator)

My eldest shouted at me continuously because I wanted to take (detail removed by moderator) It was a gift my Mum gave me as a child but my eldest kept yelling it would be stealing incredibly loudly so the neighbours could hear. I was so upset I had to get back in my car. My husband has never allowed me to pick up all my things from our house.

My husband never mentions me, yo the point that I don’t exist. I complain about him not communicating with me I am the one the children are fed up and cross with. (detail removed by moderator)

I moved out, wuthin weeks, someone went into the back of my car, me and my colleagues experienced bullying at work, I injured my knee and I now can’t go on long walks… I have an MRI soon. I have mould growing on my walls that I can’t fix. Every month I go overdrawn and my poor Mum gives me some money to help me out.

I’m really struggling again and I can’t see any of this getting better. My ‘now’ partner lives a long way away – I don’t think it’s going anywhere because he won’t move… I feel lonely.

The chat with my son yesterday really upset me. I explained to my counsellor that it sometimes felt like the children only visit me when they get something in return… and now it seems they don’t even want to visit me. I feel utterly worthless.

[browneyedmum]

I had a not so great chat with one of my children recently too that has me feeling a bit low.

My child is too young to understand the dynamics under the surface between me and her dad calling it quits.

That child tries to interject themselves in on-going matters, which is not that child’s responsibility at all… and I need to do some more thinking about what to do when that child next does that, to just stop it in its tracks in an open and caring way (soliciting advice from you wise women, btw!)

At the end of the conversation though, I did let that child know that in any relationship or marriage, I should feel loved, I should feel respected, and I should feel safe and I have not had that from their dad in a very long time. That child was in agreement with that.

In fact, I came out to this forum and bookmarked this post to remind me. The title of it is, “post separation use of children as weapons” if you want to find it for yourself.

I hope it helps to know that you aren’t alone in feeling that way today xX.

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Thank you for responding to me so quickly. I’ve just phoned my elderly Mum and burst into tears when I was really trying to hide it all from her. My children are older. I cannot tell them what their Dad did to make me leave. It was subtle emotional abuse never physical. Thoigh he did push my youngest around a couple of times. We were together a very long time but I cannot use words like abuse around them and I have only ever told them a couple of minor things interestingly these were around importance of respect, feeling valued and happiness. Look after yourself. Thank you.

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