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The last (detail removed by Moderator) months have been chaos. Had social services and local council domestic abuse services involved. Husband has engaged relative well and has said things are going to be better from now on. He stopped drinking and has appeared much more relaxed about me seeing friends.
However, he has started drinking again. He’s not being as horrible as he was before but is still drinking in excess. I’m worried this is 5he first step of him slipping back.
What are peoples view on if they really can change? -
Hi done with this – my experience is they don’t change. I suppose if they are engaging with support working really hard on themselves communicating clearly and reflecting maybe some can. My ex promised all of that but it was BS it was yet another way to manipulate. It got worse and worse scary stuff. Social services never bought it. What are you seeing from him – not what he says but how he behaves? Would you – if SS etc were in worrying about your behaviour etc drink again? Somehow I doubt it because you are on here.Look at his behaviour be objective – yes quite possibly it is another sign things need to changes. Lean on support tho x
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Hi done with this – my experience is they don’t change. I suppose if they are engaging with support working really hard on themselves communicating clearly and reflecting maybe some can. My ex promised all of that but it was BS it was yet another way to manipulate. It got worse and worse scary stuff. Social services never bought it. What are you seeing from him – not what he says but how he behaves? Would you – if SS etc were in worrying about your behaviour etc drink again? Somehow I doubt it because you are on here.Look at his behaviour be objective – yes quite possibly it is another sign things need to changes. Lean on support tho x
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That’s great that he is engaging with support.
But sorry – if he is an alcoholic (I’m guessing he is but I could be wrong) then he shouldn’t be drinking at all.
My stbx stopped and started drinking again and again but it always builds up again.
And with the alcohol comes the behaviour.
Sorry to sound so ominous but if he really wanted to engage he wouldn’t be drinking at all.
xx -
Ditto all the above comments, my ex engaged, “changed” his behaviour, tried AA – not for him, made him want to drink more, he could stop when he chose, he liked the taste, alcohol had no bad side effects, he wasn’t an alcoholic (long list of reasons why not).
He stopped going to the pub
He went to bed, when he felt – too angry, to stop arguments – ie, before getting to the point of throwing things, or threatening to hit me, he would cause a huge row, then sling off to bed about 4pm, leaving everyone crying/mad/angry, do nothing to help, 4 very young kids, then at bed time demand silence, yell at the kids, (it was not his fault the door was open, he wanted it that way, close it, turned to a him yelling at me, and blaming me, for not keeping 4 kids quiet!)He changed his behaviour, but it was not fixed! It just changed dynamics, he was in more = more arguments and tension.
He drank more, had no “friends” to drink with or chat too
Wanted me have a drink with him at 2 pm,getting more persuasive as time got closer to 6pm, by the time all jobs were done, and I could partake, a little – all drink was gone anyway, because I was too slow, and should have had it much earlier…..Anyway – upshot, no they only adapt, to keep you sweet, appear to be doing a great job – on the surface, but no real changes happen.
I watched his behaviour, without comment, to really assess what had changed, was it better, similar or worse? Sadly the latter, was often the right option.
Be strong, and use the help to help you choose the right option for you and your children. They have no choices, but you do xxxx
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