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And intimacy as a tool? I feel as though my ex did… everything revolved around him and his needs..he used to say intimacy is the closest thing ever it brings you together etc…I were his rock and couldn’t imagine life without me…but I just never believed him everytime we met it revolved around sex… his ex got a non molestation order against him…he used to confuse me saying he wanted to buy a house then live with me but changing his mind… xx
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Hi icandothis,
Yes, they will use every trick in the book to hook you in. This is the ‘love bombing’ stage’ or what is more formally known as ‘Ensure Love and Trust’ stage of the behaviours of the coercive controller.
Sex and intimacy is the strong bond that connects us to someone and makes it harder to leave them. It is a real chemical reaction of hormones, there is a science to us feeling strongly tied to someone. Once they have our love and trust they move on to Isolation so that they are the only person in our lives, then the manipulation and gas lighting starts up to confuse us.
By learning about abuse and the stages of the coercive controller we can start to learn what to look out for. It doesn’t mean that every man who we meet will follow this pattern, but anyone who moves to quickly, tells you they love you after a week, wants to make plans to live with you, marry you or make a huge commitment of some sort (including financially) within a few months of dating is a red flag.
A red flag to me is meeting any man who tells me that an ex has taken out a Non Mol or Restraining Order against them, or a man who is having to go through court to see his children. Having been through that once I have no intention of doing it again, even from the side lines!
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Oh yes. Mine is nasty when it comes to sex if i say no he will ise this against me.
When my kids were young and needed anything i had to give him sex in order for him to give me money for them he saw it as a game and often says he wishes we could go back to then that he misses it. He is often very rough too and loves to tell me how im not attractive anymore and that id better be careful or he will stray 🙄
Its a huge issue here. Xxxx
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