Do you ever feel bitter?

[gettingtired]

I’m not sure if this forum is even the right place to post this but I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels the same as me. 

Does anyone else who’s been in an abusive relationship/currently in one find themselves feeling a bit bitter from time to time?

I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person but sometimes I find myself feeling bitter like wow, what’s the point in being nice? People just seem to take advantage of it and walk all over you. 

Personally I have met/worked with/know of some really horrible people yet their lives appear to be fairly trouble free. Or abuse free at least. They seem to be thriving. I know people present their lives differently online nowadays and no one really knows what’s going on behind close doors but these people I’m talking about seem to really get what they want out of life. 

Without sounding like I’m bragging I’d consider myself a very kind, empathetic person who is conscious of others, always thinking about other people’s feelings over my own, wanting to ensure they don’t view me as a threat etc. Yet I’m the one who seems to struggle with people. 

These people who are self-centred, arrogant, rude, unprofessional, passive aggressive etc seem to be virtually worshipped in the workplace or in friendship groups. Why? 

Personally I’ve experienced bullying in ever job I’ve ever had. I know a lot of others probably have and there’s always that one person at work you’re not going to gel with. But I mean people who have deliberately bullied me. I guess putting other people’s feelings before my own is my downfall? 

A man tried to rob me on holiday once and although initially I was annoyed, after I just kind of blamed myself for not being more cautious.. I thought well he’s probably poorer than me so you can’t really blame him. I didn’t even think of reporting it to the police or anything. It was only when I was telling someone at work they told me it wasn’t actually my fault someone else tried to rob me.. 

Regardless of being in an abusive relationship, I’ve always had a friend or a work colleague like I said who has in some way tried to manipulate or bully me. Is this normal? I dont want to sound like I’m pleading some terrible life for myself as I know as humans we have to endure all sorts but sometimes I just think what’s the point. Feels like I might as well be selfish and maybe then I’ll get what I want in life. 😫

Sorry about the random rant. Hope everyone has a nice weekend x 

[KIP.]

When we are being abused our whole life takes on a negative vibe. I used to go from one bad thought to the next. Now I go from one positive thought to the next. One positive experience to the next. People don’t bother me and I don’t take things personally. We are totally different people when we are abuse free x being abused brings anxiety and depression and leaves little headroom for enjoying life x

[Hawthorn]

The worst thing about abuse is how it poisons your mind. The abuser twists your reality to their warped vision where everyone is out for themselves and its dog eat dog.

There are people who will bleed you dry. You are a kind and empathetic person so they will target you. While you live in the darkness of an abusive relationship there is no space for the light.The abuser blocks it out. Bitterness follows.

There is a world with lovely caring people in it. Lots of them are on this forum. There is a beautiful world out there and lovely people in it, toxic people too. Let the good people in and keep/get the toxic out. You have the power.

[Eve1]

I’ve had this experience of bullies at work more recently and it’s a few years after leaving the abuser for me. I think it’s because I’m more aware of not wanting to be treated badly and of what abuse is and I won’t tolerate it now. Whereas before I didn’t think I had a choice and I think I would also feel I had to change to be who the bully/abuser wanted me to be, but I don’t do that now. Now I just get myself out of that situation as soon as possible. Sadly, it’s made me very wary of people at the moment. I’m much happier keeping very much to myself but I’m hoping that at some point in the future that will change a bit.

Eve
x

[HopeLifeJoy]

That’s a very interesting question.
I definitely have been reflecting on what’s the point of it all as well. I’ve been back and forth between trying to find value in positive (kindness) versus negative (abusive) behaviour.
Trying to see what can be learned from both?
In a scientific process, both confirming and non-confirming (negative) results make this process robust and secure.
Both positive and negative (null or neutral) results are essential for the progress of science and its self-correcting nature.
I wonder if this process can also be applied to human behaviour? Picking up the lessons of both negative and positive behaviour, inventing an even better version on how to be?

I think kindness and all other positive behaviour or traits are the languages of the heart used to connect to others. Sharing kindness between people who share the same values creates mutual respect, curiosity, love, joy and peace… So it’s very valuable and worth keeping and protecting.
Turn your kindness into your power. Protect it and don’t distribute it freely. Set a price for delivery.
The price I am asking for is respect and kindness.
I have found that kindness can actually be utilised as selective and protective filter to find out who is kind and who is abusive. By being kind, you will see the contrast better when someone isn’t and you can use that contrast to create a safe distance between you and the other person.

Some abusive entitled types can be determined, ambitious, confident and competitive in reaching their goals, which qualities can be commended when acted in good intend. But abusers are unhesitant in stepping over others to achieve them. To the onlookers they may seem like straight shooters, someone to admire. They don’t see the destructive trail they leave behind them.
BUT, by gaining more and more power, more light is inevitably shone onto them, revealing ultimately who they truly are. Their reputation and legacy will crumble down, it’s only ever a matter of time. There is plenty of proof out there, look at all the abusive exploitative powerful people whose past and present are catching up with them. One by one they have been taken down by their victims and justice has been served 💪 Social movements do help bring the biggest more powerful ones down. Sometimes they expose themselves by their very own stupidity, creating their own downfall even faster 🙄
I have faith that all abusive types will be held accountable, one way or another.

So to sum up, I can see the lessons in both behaviours. The negative behaviour is the example not to follow because it cruelly lacks respect for humanity, for all living and non living things actually, for life on earth.
I can see that positive behaviour holds enormous value therefore also needs strong protection, boundaries.
Also i recognise that for me being kind is effortless whereas for abusers it isn’t yet they are the ones forced to conform and submit to the society’s image of being decent and good even though inside they aren’t. Ha!
That’s just my little thumb on my nose with stretched hand gesture, if you know which one I mean 😄😉😘

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