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    • #135265
      Chihiro
      Participant

      I’m a few years out of my abusive relationship now, and have come a really long way with the help of therapy and time and trying to learn self love and compassion. (Detail removed by moderator) I came to a whole new realisation.

      I went out to (detail removed by moderator) with a group of friends, had a few drinks, danced all night and had a total blast. I woke up the next morning with utter dread, anxiety, fear. I had hardly been drinking the night before, but I was so worried about how I had behaved that I text everyone that I was at (detail removed by moderator) with apologies for being “annoying” and “too much” and that I hoped I hadn’t ruined their evening. It dawned on me that all I had done was enjoy myself, and have fun. I have felt this way following parties and nights out almost every single time, and the more I have drunk the worse I feel.

      I realise that this is something that my ex impressed on me: that I am “too much”, “obnoxious” etc. He used to punish me for having a good time and it seems now he has gone, I am still punishing myself. I love to dance, I love to be out with my friends. I am loving this new lease of life I have found in my freedom, and I just wish I could shake this dread and regret I feel each time I manage to have a good time with my friends and family.

      Anybody have any advise on how to break this cycle? It causes me so much anxiety that it is beginning to make me not want to go out to events or with my friends. <3 thank you x*x

    • #135270
      KIP.
      Participant

      I felt the same dread when I was being happy and enjoying myself because previous my ex would be waiting to pull the rug from underneath me. I’d talk to your therapist about this. Cognitive therapy might help. Mind over mood is a good book, it’s about looking at our behaviour and how our past behaviour affects our current behaviour. It sounds like you’re being triggered.

      • #135315
        Chihiro
        Participant

        “pull the rug out” is such a good way of putting it! I never really saw it as a trigger before but I guess that’s exactly what it is. Thank you for the suggestion, I will give that a read. I tried CBT in the past (prior to the relationship) for anxiety related issues and it didn’t work for me then, but I might give it a try in this situation. Hope you are doing better now x

    • #135272
      Electrolyte
      Participant

      Hi Chihiro,

      It’s been a few years for me also and I still have the same dread after socialising. I sometimes even over analyse interactions with people I make small talk with at work and get so anxious about how I am being perceived.

      I had never realised that this could be the overcast of how my abuser made me feel so thank you so much for this insight.

      I hope this alleviates for you with more time.

      Take care x

      • #135317
        Chihiro
        Participant

        Isn’t it mad how the further down the road of recovery you go the more you notice?! It’s like opening pandoras box. I do the exact same, going over every conversation with everyone thinking about how annoying I was or how I must have come off as obnoxious or conceited or rude. I realised these are all things that my ex used to tell me I was! I really hope that this gets better for you too, sending love! <3

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