Does anybody think it is a good idea to wind up the ex?

[Healthyarchive]

I have put something onto my facebook page which I have ensured is visible to the public. I did this in the hope that my ex views my page and sees it. It is a picture of a fun hobby that I have, if he sees it he will know i’ve moved on and am happy. I am not sure if me doing this is a good idea, to be fully over someone you should not care what they think or dont think. This is the first time i’ve done this sort of thing. He blocked me from FB and I changed my surname so he may not find me anyway. In a revengeful moment I would sort of like him to see i’m doing fine without him.

[I am better than this]

Is it winding up an ex…or merely showing that you’ve moved on! I think its natural to want to stand proud and say “I’ve done it!”

[Serenity]

I think if you have moved on, to want to show it is in part natural.

However, I think part of the rationale of no contact is that you don’t give the abuser any information about your life, so that their opportunity to abuse you further is minimised.

When I was upset last week that I had told my son that his dad was not a good person, I felt very unhappy for a number of reasons: because I don’t like to stoop to his level, that I don’t want to brainwash my kids – or be accused of it- but also, I was petrified that if my ex got any whiff of me saying anything so strong, his fury and wrath would make him do something horrible.

Whilst it is partly natural to want to show them you’ve moved on, I think true healing is when you don’t care about proving anything to them and you are far more concerned to set up protective boundaries for yourself than to prove a point.

I don’t know your abuser, so don’t know his character, and don’t know how he would be likely to respond if he felt he was being wound up on purpose. Maybe I feel paranoid for you, because my ex is so vindictive. Maybe yours isn’t so much. My ex is so cleverly nasty, keeping silent about my life is the way I feel most safe from him.

Plus, I think the best way to say to an abuser ‘ I am over you’ is to move on without contact.

💛

[I am better than this]

You make a valid point there Serenity.

[SaharaD]

Nope.

You are giving him your time and physical and emotional energy.

When you have moved on you don’t care enough to show him anything.

He becomes irrelevant.

[Ayanna]

Why would you want to do that?
It means you have not found closure yet.

[Healthyarchive]

As I suspected, you are all right. I’ll stop doing the public posts.

[Author]

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