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hi i was just wondering how many of you think “why the hell did we let him do this to me “? i have been mulling over everything he has done said and threatened. if a stranger come along and told me this story id be the first to say get shut you dont deserve that you deserve better. im a hypocrite i have LET this man ruin my life put me in massive debt control and abuse and humiliate me.. im a complete idiot
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They are con men. The abuse creeps up on us, after they have hooked us in with their fake persona. When we are hooked then they up the abuse and control. By then we are addicted to them and just want the lovely man we first met. He doesn’t exist. And round and round we go in the cycle of abuse. You got away eventually which many women never manage. Well done for that x
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i have escaped it twice now. i couldn’t go through it again not ever. he said i was a pushover in the end i fought back and won. but not enjoying the pain of the victory it should never of happened
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They are sly. We don’t recognise what they are doing because we are ‘in’ it. It seems more obvious when you’re on the other side. And even when you are out they have been so clever that you still have times of doubting yourself. If people could see it, if people always knew when they were being gaslighted, triangulated, pressured, coerced, controlled, manipulated, isolated and all the rest of it, no one would be abused. There would be no victims. No survivors. No need for laws and justice (though these are clearly defective a lot of the time). Wouldn’t that be a wonderful society? A wonderful world? They don’t all have to have PhDs because they are expert at exploiting people. And they are good at it because they are so darn selfish. Somehow they can shut off all feeling – if they even have them at all which I doubt. Or perhaps they do but they reserve it for the people who are not closest because the people who are the most intimate with them are the easiest to exploit as they can’t tolerate being close. They build up a public persona to make us doubt ourselves and make others doubt us too. Nasty. Hateful. Insidious. Dangerous. Heartbreaking. It’s the worst thing you can you to a person. It hurts as you wonder what you specifically did wrong. And the questioning begins. You really have to have an iron-cast mind not to let that poison disrupt you. There is something deeply wrong with someone who treats others in the ways that these unreasonable people with the emotional intelligence of a toddler do. It’s sickening. It FEELS like us. We KNOW it’s not. The heart and the brain are so cruelly unaligned and these people know how to exploit that to full effect, consciously or subconsciously.
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my philosophy is we are way too nice and way too soft and get treated like pure c**p…
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No, you’re not an idiot. It seems so clear cut to people on the outside, but living in that situation clouds all judgement and ability to see it for what it is. Even a long way down the line I feel shock and shame and guilt for ending up in the situation I did. I know if it was a friend, I would believe she wasn’t too blame but struggle to believe the same for myself if that makes any sense. I think that’s because their tactics are so clever they totally mess with our heads, you just need to keep reminding yourself it was him that was the problem, not you x
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one thing is for sure no1 will ever do this to me again..x
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imsosad….I totally understand where you are at. I’ve recently left my relationship but the guilt I feel for myself is excruciating. We need time to heal and I plan to get to the bottom of why I have let someone do this to me.
Our futures will be brighter and we will learn from this experience and I am hoping that in some way I can use what has happened to me in a positive way in the future.
Right now, my heart is breaking in two, for the person I was and the one I have become
Mommabear xxxx
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hi mommabear
i totally get you. he has changed me he made me violent but i woke up and had to get out. i miss me i miss who i was and i hope one day i can shed this cocoon i have put around me. i should of got out as soon as alarm bells started ringing but i didn’t i was hooked. but im out of it trying to rebuild my life
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