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Even the social worker said to me I’ve ‘experienced a lot of emotional trauma’ – left court months ago and I still can’t get past the way I was spoken to and belittled by barristers.
I keep being told counselling will help, but how will counselling help me understand how court professionals are allowed to speak to someone like that and make them out to be a liar?
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Yes, it retraumatised me. It took me a long time to get over it but what helped was knowing that it is their job. Your ex employed them, would have told them your weaknesses and lied his a*s of to them too, it is their job to try and discredit you any way they can. Think of them as flying monkeys. They’re there to win their case and it’s absolutely not personal. A lot of the questions would have triggered you too. I think we are also desperate to be believed because probably we have been told by our abuser that nobody would believe us so it makes it even more of an ordeal. There’s lots of campaigns to reduce the trauma of victims in court by video statements etc. It might help to focus by raising your story and concerns with them and joining a campaign. Your voice as a victim and survivor carries a lot of weight. For what it’s worth a few months later I was waiting on a lift when my ex solicitor stood next to me waiting on the lift. This is the man who questioned me for hours, asking personal questions and watched me get upset. I took one look at him and HE took the stairs! We can’t discuss the specifics of the cases on here but feel free to pm me if you need to offload x
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Yes. I am reeling with the behaviour of the family courts. Apparently it is a common experience. I feel that the judge was profoundly ignorant of domestic abuse and in fact only made it worse. I am really angry with the process. The courts are known to be a perpetrator’s paradise. How the judges are not faced with the bald facts of any case beats me hollow. I too have been traumatised and bitterly let down by the family courts.
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Ohh this hasn’t filled me with much confidence,I’m now going through family court with a very toxic man we are only on first hearing….I messed up (detail removed by moderator) by getting drunk and sending messages I’ve just had enough my son is severely autistic I literally had enough and could pack my bags and leave town with my boys…
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That should read my ex husbands solicitor stood next to me to get in the lift. Probably the look on my face said it all. He couldn’t hide behind his stupid wig and gown then. The whole system is outdated and was designed by rich men for rich men. I couldn’t even appeal a decision made by the Law Society without employing an Advocate to represent me. Can you imagine the cost? Way outwith my means and that of most people. I can see how people don’t have a great opinion of the court system x
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Dear Sweetdisposition
PTSD from court is widespread amongst abuse survivors.
Its wholly wrong, and the adversarial courtn systems needs junking for something thats actually fit for purpose.
You are not alone in this, and yes, maybe vctim support might be able to offer the right kinds of support and signposting for you?
These people are predators, hounding victims takes a certain kind of psychology.
It is supported by the outdated systems of law, its the same with rape trials. Womens choice of knickers or other partners, or counselling, all intrinsically [nonsensically] linked to the absolute of having given consent or not!
Its good to prove that criminals are guilty of their crimes, but it tramatises and retraumatises victims, and they wonder why women don’t press charges against their perps, when the court system takes over where he left off ti the power of ten!
I know the reasons are also more complex than that but that in itself is deterrent enough!
Noone should be surprised at report rates.
Warmest wishes
TS
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When I was a teenager I knew that if I was ever raped I shouldn’t report it as I would be destroyed by court.
Many years later as an adult after a sustained pattern of abuse, I got up the nerve to report it. And lo and behold, I was destroyed in court.
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What a terrible experience Justholdingon. My ex wasn’t charged though he was persuaded by the police to move out of the family home. I cannot imagine how traumatic it must have been for you. Even if a not guilty verdict was reached, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. In English law there can’t be a shadow of doubt. A not guilty verdict doesn’t mean he was innocent but in English law there is no way of expressing it. Scottish law is different.
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It did take quite a while not to go insane. I really did feel like I was destroyed and could only see myself as the person he told court I was.
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Justholdingon, I am so so sorry. I often feel the same; like I lost my identity through the court system and I only see myself as he described to further abuse me in court.
Twisted Sister, I was actually diagnosed with PTSD after the court case ended, but I didn’t realise it could be caused specifically because of the court system – is there specific therapy for this treatment?
Surely as professionals though, how can they sleep at night? They themselves have the power to speak out about this and try and change it but they don’t.
Maddog, it’s so overwhelming when a judge decides something didn’t happen when we’re the ones who have actually experienced the abuse. We have these horrendous memories of abuse and a stranger with so much power is telling us it didn’t happen.. systematic gaslighting
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Definitely
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As someone originally from a country with an inquisitorial legal system, I can say that what his barrister did would never have even been permissable. (detail removed by moderator) is not something I thought was permissable and where I am from would have caused that barrister to be reported to the BAR association and likely have lost his license to practice. It seems in an adversarial legal system such as the English one, that was perfectly fine. No one battered an eye, not even any of the Judges.
KIP’s right though, it’s their job and while I am shaking now remembering that barrister yet again, I know the words that came out of his mouth were really just what my ex wanted him to say. Abuse by proxy. There was one thing the barrister said that could only have come from my ex’s mother, but I’ve always known she enjoyed emotionally abusing me so even that wasn’t surprising. I could even hear her chuckle from behind the screens.
The most hurtful thing is when our truth is ignored, though I think it is important to remember that not guilty is not the same as innocent.
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Does anyone else feel like their evidence was ignored or dismissed as ‘unimportant’? This happened with mine
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Yes, what we think of as important evidence, in law it just doesn’t matter. I suppose that’s why lawyers go to university for years, to know what the law says is important, not what we victims say is important. I think as victims we should have access to a straight talking lawyer who will tell us what is important in the eyes of the law and what to discount and not waste time on as the law won’t recognise it. I had no one to prime me for court. Even the witness service who showed me round the court were not allowed to tell me where my abuser would be sitting! It’s my safety and reassurance. The playing field is so uneven. We need a group of women who have been through the system and can play them at their own game. Lawyers are so scared of being seen to put words in our mouths or say the wrong thing. I saw a programme about someone in America who was going to give evidence and they had a specialist priming them on how best to present themselves and how to look, where to look, how their demeanour should be etc etc. Where was all that for us?
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Yes! I wondered this too KIP. (court detail removed by moderator). I truly was not prepared nor did I expect the brutality of it. So much more can be done to prepare victims before their testimony.
I spent 3 months asking for a pre trial visit. They couldn’t accommodate me for that even. They had forgotten to refer me until a few days before the trial.
Coming forward and reporting as a victim is terrifying and in domestic abuse so often we have been told we won’t be believed. But the system seems designed around defence preparation rmoreso than witness preparation.
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I am just recalling Sweetdispostion, there was the very high profile case of an abuse survivor backing down because they demanded her phone records.
She said she felt her personal life was being laid bare for her abuser to see,further exposing and abusing her. She was blackmailed that court wouldn’t proceed without her handing over records.
She refused to allow him ad them access to her private therapy conversations on her phone,so charges were dropped.
She made it abundantly clear that her ptsd cae from this process. This happens to children too.
Go to your gp for proper long term therapy referral.
Warmest wishes
TS
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I agree, the basis of adversial and fairness, or beyond reasonable doubt are inappropriate for da in all it’s forms, and the lack of protection to not only prevent further harm, but as it is currently actively expose to further harm and the process itself cause such harm and further trauma.
I hope upon hope that one day we’ll look back in horror at how crude and damaging our so-called justice system was, like when we look historically at horrific medical interventions!
I do know some good solicitors/barristers, they work hard to do their best and advocate relentlessly for their clients, but they have little room within a highly competitive environment and broken system.
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i think unfortunately the legal system makes cynics out off its staff. like lots of areas of work where highly emotive circumstances and situations have to be faced. theres no running away so to become cynical in any field like this becomes the better option. nobody wants to deal with abuse,danger and death on a daily basis but i dont think the percentage is high whenit comes to compassion as i guess professionals may become burnt out – when money is in the mix too morals can fly out the window. i hate to say this would be an uphill battle in changing the system as it would take alot. i dont feel anyone is supported in any off htis and becoming hard nosed was the stance i took eventually after the way i was treated in court. i thin tho we are the ones who can hold our heads high in court though because we are the the innocents xxxx
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I wasn’t even offered any form of protection in family court; no screen, no advocate, not even allowed to sit in a different waiting room. (Court detail removed by moderator). Family court are absolutely horrendous
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