15th November 2023 at 8:34 pm #163209
Context to the question above:
I am a Christian and my family is very religious. They keep blaming me and saying I’m a hoe and I wanted it and I enjoyed the intercourse. And continue to tell me to ask God for forgiveness.
They only know of this incidents a few months ago but the incident happened (detail removed by Moderator) ago. And right after it happened I was begging God for forgiveness and cried for days because I felt dirty and sinful. Then I learned about coercion and put two and two together and identify this incident as coercion and rape since i’ve withdrawn my consent.
But my parent retraumatizes me by always mentioning it and telling me i’m an idiot for losing my virginity before marriage.
I tried to look in the bible of rape cases or any opinion God has on it but found nothing about coercion. So I want to hear your opinions in it
16th November 2023 at 9:06 pm #163245LisaMain Moderator
I’m so sorry that your family are treating you this way. Their behaviour is abusive and I can imagine it’s making it so much more difficult and confusing to try to come to terms with having been raped and how you’re feeling about this.
I can’t speak to how God sees sexual coercion, but what happened to you was rape. It’s not your fault and you know the truth within yourself that is you didn’t want it to happen and you withdrew your consent. You’re not an idiot and this wasn’t a choice that you made. It’s very normal for rape to leave you with feelings of being dirty, it’s such a violating assault with a lot of cultural, historical misogyny attached. However, despite any feelings it might have brought up, you are not dirty or sinful. The only person to blame is the perpetrator of the rape.
Rape Crisis have some helpful information on dealing with difficult feelings. You might find some of the courses run by Bloom helpful too. They include courses around healing from sexual trauma and how social attitudes impact how we experience abuse and trauma.
Take care and keep posting,
17th November 2023 at 7:18 pm #163267
Thank you for the sites! I’m definitely going to try it out! I’m also considering starting a journal to understand and come to terms my feelings.
17th November 2023 at 10:51 am #163255elmarParticipant
A very close person to me experienced a similar thing to you, and the only one who was able to console her and bring her peace was God. He came to her in a dream and took her guilt away, since it didn’t belong to her, but to her rapist. God loves you and God knows yours and others intentions. He knows everything you’ve ever wanted to do, and everything you’ve not wanted to do. He sees your pain and your suffering, and wishes you know all he wants it to comfort you and spare you. Even if your family may not see it, God has the capacity to see beyond the evident and obvious, and knows you were raped, and that it wasn’t your choice. The only one he will need to forgive is your rapist, not you, because you have nothing to feel sorry for, and he knows that. He knows that.
Lots of love xx
17th November 2023 at 7:22 pm #163269
This message really build me up, i’m very thankful for that!
I’m still looking for peace and freedom from all these things that happen, since they still control me. I wouldn’t have thought that it would affect me that much. When it happened at first I didn’t feel all these things or not to this extent. Even though I read it might happen later I didn’t expect it to happen with me. I just hope that God will free me and console me like he did with your friend.
Thanks for the message<3
18th November 2023 at 11:07 pm #163327swanlakeParticipant
I’m sorry that you had such an experience and that your family has been so unsympathetic.
There is an account of King David’s son Amnon raping his own half-sister Tamar in the second book of Samuel. I believe that there are other rapes in the Bible too but I encountered the Amnon Tamar awfulness in a Bible study. It was made clear that Tamar was not sinful, it was entirely Amnon’s despicable behaviour.
My abuser was particularly sexually abusive over many years and my Christian faith helps me. Along with counselling, medication, group therapy, therapeutic activities, volunteering in domestic violence and everything else.
I understand that it’s quite a common reaction to feel nothing and numbness soon after a traumatic event and for strong feelings later. It’s all part of the brain working things out.
21st November 2023 at 9:59 pm #163448
Yeah I also read it! Or the Story of King David and Bathseba. I think this is also an example of coercion and rape. Since David abused his power as a King to put his hands on her.
It’s hard but I can’t do anything else than to keep going until i’m financially free enough to do my own thing.
It’s nice that you’re volunteering! I also thought about it. But right now I’m volunteering with Kids since i dont know if i’m ready for a confrontation.
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