Hi,
It’s a hard one to answer. Some men are intentionally evil and do things with a purpose, some men are just abusive. Regardless of which one he is, he is choosing to behave in a way that is classed as Domestic Abuse. The reason so few men seek help for their behaviour is because they do not see that they are doing anything wrong, they blame their behaviour as a reaction to how we treat them, therefore, believing themselves to be victims. Being drunk or on drugs is not a defence for them to treat us badly, nor absolve themselves of any responsibility for how they behaved because they can’t remember it.
However, you are now seeing how his behaviour is affecting you and the children, and that is what is important from here on. If he is not prepared to take responsibility for his behaviour then you don’t have any responsibility to him. You cannot help anyone who will not take responsibility for themselves, they will only accept help or advice when they are ready to acknowledge they have a problem.
Please do what is best for your own health, safety and well being and that of your children. Leave him to his own devices to sort himself out.