Does it ever get better?

[tiredofitall]

The end and freedom is so close I can almost taste it. He’s been out of the house now for about (detail removed by moderator) and I’m about to move into a new house where he has no legal claim to be. I have zero doubts about this decision. Not having him here has been such a positive change to all of us. I keep waiting to miss him but I honestly don’t. Which might be why when I emailed him to agree the financial elements of the divorce he insisted on talking to me. An (detail removed by moderator) of him telling me how awful his life is, how he would never have made this decision and that he wanted couples counselling and I wouldn’t try. Why would I?? He has fallen out with his family because they call him out on his behaviour but again, thats them not him. And then he is quibbling over the money he is getting which is (detail removed by moderator) despite the fact that he has not worked consistently through our marriage. I have. I have been paying for his bills even after we are separated until he found a job (and he gave up (detail removed by moderator) before he realised he had no choice but to stick with this one). And i hold my tongue for the whole conversation. Saying all the right things, trying not to be provoked by the things he says and the choice of words. Get through in one piece. Then he phones me again (detail removed by moderator) and I lose my temper and get a bit shouty and he puts the phone down on me. Then I get (detail removed by moderator) asking me to shout at him as he doesn’t shout at me. The absolute cheek of it. after all the years of shouting at me ALL the time. Of physically intimidating me. Bullying me. Of man handling me. And now, I’m offending him by raising my voice. I was absolutely livid. But also frustrated with myself because I know he was pushing my buttons trying to get me to react so he could sit there and act like I am the problem. And I allowed him to do it to me and I know better.
I know I need to give myself a break but I need to get smarter and not get dragged into it. Hopefully it’ll get easier when there are no more things to be decided and I can decide not to speak to him if i dont want to. Sorry for the rant but I know you guys will know what I mean.

[Lisa]

Hi tiredofitall,

I can really hear how stressful things feel and at the same time, the sense of proximity to being free of this abuse and the situation that’s caused so much pain for so long. It sounds very overwhelming.

Sadly we know how common it is for abusers to use the legal system to continue to manipulate and antagonise women after the relationship has ended, and this can be such a distressing experience. It sounds like you’re being so strong and can clearly see his behaviour for what it is. It’s so difficult not to react when we are pushed like this, so try not to be too hard on yourself.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Twitcher]

Hi Tiredofitall

I’m so pleased to hear you’re nearly back to living the life you’ve always deserved. I completely feel for you when you try to hold your tongue when they wind us up, my soon to be ex husband says I’m constantly verbalising him and if I tell my solicitor how threatening he’s being at the minute then he would make me out to be the liar. You’re doing so well, I’m sure that freedom is just waiting round the corner and you can take a long, deep breath and know you have amazing strength. Sending you hope x*x

[Author]

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