- This topic has 4 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 7 months ago by
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The huge miss and craving for him never seems to go away. It lessens and then he rears his head again. He is not allowed to contact me directly but it seems just as I start to settle he is wanting something. To reduce child maintenance or see our youngest son which he hasn’t done in months. The older 2 choose not to see him. Its almost like he still controls me from a far and I let him but I don’t know how to stop it.I know (or I think I do) he was abusive but I still want him back…. Because our whole relationship he was unpredictable and I was scared of what he would do next and I guess it is still the same `I am scared of what he may do next. This is especially because I haven’t been responding to the digs or the unreasonable behaviours. I would have done previously and I want to but I know its best not to. Sorry again a garble of words….
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It will get better but absolutely zero direct contact and time are how it works. Contact is toxic and will keep your head in the trauma and cravings. block him on everything and report any contact to the police x tell friends and family you don’t wish to hear what he’s doing x
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We have children so he contacts them. He is also sending pointless letters through legal channels. Our youngest cannot read so I end u p reading the y=texts. He is (detail removed by Moderator) but severely dyslexic. He is blocked on everything. I don’t reply to the digs and the legal stuff my solicitor does but it so draining xx
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His behaviour is designed to drain you. To wear you down. Set firm boundaries now because you will have decades of this. Do you have a third party you can use for all contact? Set boundaries with the children too. Don’t let him run up your legal bills. My ex did this with pointless letters that I had to pay for my solicitor to look at. My letter had ‘without prejudice’ written at the bottom which meant they couldn’t be used in court anyway. Talk to your local womens aid or victim support. Start gathering a support network around you x
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In have firm boundaries we do use a third party for contact but I am now having panic attacks when they contact me. I feel so weak and ridiculous. I am getting legal aid as he has admitted violence. I was getting support from our local victim support but as my risk is now lower apparently I no longer need support. I am waiting for CBT.
And this pull to just talk to him is ever present maybe I am over reacting or maybe I am the abusive one just like he claimed. Especially as he is now living (happily) with someone else. There was a definite cross over in our relationships.
I know I cannot pout times in but it has been really long time and nothing seems to change for me x*x
Thank you for replying and sorry I know I go on I just can’t seem to get out of this confused state. x*x
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