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    • #170259
      Fluffysheep
      Participant

      I would constantly get called names, whenever I was upset my feelings would be dismissed, I’d be too sensitive or overracting. When I wore dresses or shorts I’d get told I was asking for it, that I was showing off to get attention. Whenever I raised a problem such as once I told a then partner that I don’t like when he gives me the silent treatment (he’d ignore me for days as punishment for little things sometimes it was for being unwell, other times for saying how I felt etc). I would just get told it was my fault he had to do that cos I was being so horrible and not how a girlfriend should be. One partner would refuse to see me during the day when he was free and then complain that we didn’t see eachother as much as he would like. He wasn’t interested in meeting my family but, then all of a sudden it was an issue that he hadn’t met them even though he said before he didn’t want to. He said it was my fault we didn’t see eachother all the time, my fault he hadn’t met my family all down to me not making any effort.

       

      When I didn’t want to have sex I’d say no and push them away but, they’d keep persisting so eventually I’d just let them do what they wanted even though we both knew I didn’t want it. I just felt so awful afterwards and hate myself for letting it happen. They’d say things like you owe me sex for upsetting me, if you love me you’ll have sex with me.

       

      Years later im in a new relationship and it’s so difficult getting used to being heard, listened to, appreciated that they do things cos they want to not for anything in return. Sometimes I try so hard not to flinch when he touches me. Certain things during sex make my skin crawl and freak out and my partner is so understanding and stops whenever I say so. Sometimes it’s okay but, other times its like every bit of progress I’ve made is just gone. Does any of it ever get any easier?

       

       

       

       

    • #170272
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi,

      Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have been through a lot and it can take some time to feel safe again. Domestic abuse is rooted in misogyny- abusive men feel entitled to treat women in this way,its about power and control for them.

      You didn’t let anything happen and none of this is your fault- they knew exactly what they were doing. Its good that your current partner is respecting your boundaries in this way- someone who wants a healthy relationship will want their partner to feel comfortable. Just the fact you are letting someone else into your life is incredibly brave- be kind to yourself.

      You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

      Best Wishes

      Lisa

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