Does this sound petty?

[Mellow]

So since we have been together I have bought the groceries for me and the kids and the odd few things for him and he has bought for himself however he still picks at the groceries I’ve bought which a lot of it is the expensive stuff like meat .but sometimes other stuff.he never asks if he wants something just takes it yet if it’s me wanting his I will ask the other day he did it and I said I needed to use it so I’ve got to go out again to buy it cause there’s not enough for what I wanted for me and kids he never gives me any money for it.but he has always says cause the kids eat his food sometimes that he takes good care of them what actually happens is they end up with two meals he will give them a tiny bit of his.and I mean a tiny bit.I’m just wondering if what I’m saying is petty because I feel like he should put money towards it as we have a few kids it’s not one child also when he’s nibbling at my stuff it’s to make his food aswell but he says he is putting in to the food bill

[Mellow]

I feel a bit petty cause its fpod but even when we go out I’m expected to buy everyone and he dosent put in regular makes comments like why don’t you be nice and get me and whatever takeaway he wants that day

[Rainbowdream]

Personally I don’t think it’s petty. It sounds very unequal to me. And like it’s expected of you to go above and beyond to do more. He also sounds quite selfish too, only thinking of his needs and wants and not considering you or the kids.
Just my opinion, I don’t mean to sounds rude at all but from the the information I’ve read there he sounds entitled and selfish.

[Mellow]

Yes I agree with you to a t because he is very selfish and I’ve put up with the selfishness for a long time right down to birthdays and Christmas he got very jelous one day I bought my child a piece of jewellery he told me to take it back but expected me to spoil him and spend money I don’t have Xmas and birthday

[Mellow]

It’s got to point if I fancy a takeaway i won’t have one cause I don’t want all the questions of where’s mine Even if no food in I’ll make something out of what I’ve got. I did try put a boundary in other week and said I’m not buying but you can if you want but he still kept pressuring me saying I should get everyone a takeaway.one time I got a takeaway and didn’t get him he said because I’m still the father of his kids that he should have been bought for .other times I’ve bought when he’s not here and he’s said I should have bought and saved it.it’s just getting pathetic.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Mellow, can you start putting boundaries in place. If not too risky for you… set clear simple boundaries. Start with one boundary you want and focus on getting that in place. Only you can put these boundaries in, I know it’s hard but he will continue to behave the way he does until he decides not to (he also knows exactly what he is doing re money).
❤

[Mellow]

I’ve been thinking about this but not sure how to go about it I think because he’s never gone by my boundaries ever he has always ignored them he thinks he’s entitled and always has done.little things in the past such as not to touch me in a certain way and he’s continued to say he’s having a laugh or playing and why can’t he do something like that with his bird and that I’m being ridiculous.when I’ve thought back about the relationship he has always done what he wants even with my daughter if she says no he carries on the behaviour makes me so irritated now it did then but now I know it’s not right I feel worse .how do I set boundaries if they get ignored that’s the question.i recently posted about sexual contact he dosent like the word no he just ignores or gets angry

[Bananaboat]

This was my life! I bought all the food when we were together, only on very very rare occasions did he contribute to the regular shopping, yet he criticised everything and helped himself to it all without asking. If I bought something specially for one of the kids, he’d eat it on purpose I’m sure. He had days where he’d binge after I’d gone to bed too. If we went to the supermarket together he’d put whatever he liked in the trolley, encouraging kids to do the same, then when we’d get to the till he’d either forget something and disappear, suddenly have to make a call, say he’d forgotten his wallet, or say you pay and I’ll pay you back (never did) plus many more lies to get out of paying. But if he bought food, you’d think he’d bought home gold and everyone had to praise him whilst asking to use it. Same with takeaways I’d have to pay for the whole thing whilst ordering what he wanted and be told I couldn’t order more if there was something I fancied, or the kids. You’re not petty at all.

In fact when we’d fight and later when separated but sharing house this was one of the first lines I’d draw, you didn’t buy it, you don’t eat it. He’d still try, or he’d make a big show of whatever he’d eat by himself. Not once did he ever cook for the kids during these times. They are selfish through and through. x

[Mellow]

See he just buys for himself he does eat food what I don’t so no one will really eat it as it’s all things for his meal for week he only cooks the same thing over and over mostly and the odd one different so his food bill is not high but mine is sky high and if I buy something he eats but it’s for kids he would say you should have bought more .takeaway has gone right up aswell and we are a big family so not cheap now I just think the cheek of it I’ve never known him pay for a takeaway or nothing unless it’s my birthday and even then I’m scared to order anything incase he thinks it’s too expensive and I still end up buying something extra myself as he will only pay once if I see something else on menu that comes out my pocket even on my birthday.just so tired of his ways cause it means me and the kids aren’t priority he works full time but his money dosent come in this house he sends it to family in another country I feel let down and abandoned

[Author]

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