Doing things by yourself

[RedGiraffe]

So I’m new out and haven’t been out anyway for so long (thanks to COVID) but I was wondering how do you all feel when you go out by yourself? I don’t have friends (unfortunately) so I wouldn’t have anyone to ask to accompany me… I would also like to do things by myself to become happy in my own company but I feel like I’d be self conscious the entire time!

I’m talking things like;
Food out
Cinema
Day trips
Theatre (a big thing for me)
Etc. Things where I would normally automatically have someone to go with but no longer do!

[Sunshine227]

Hi RedGiraffe,

After being controlled and not having any freedom I personally find it quite liberating to be out doing the things I want to do. At first it seems weird and you do feel self conscious but it gets better. You’ll see more people doing it alone than you expect.

Maybe start off small, test the water with a small trip and see how it feels. You can do it!

[Lifebegins]

Hi RedGiraffe

I’m in the same boat as you. Not many friends to do things with. But I’m really enjoying my freedom to be able to go where/do what I want. Cinemas are opening soon so I’m really looking forward to going on my own when I have childcare. No shame there. It’s dark and no one can see you. Same with the theatre! I also love eating out so planning to bring a book or magazine and just eat! I really think if you own it and have a I don’t care attitude no one will give a second look.

Enjoy!!! X*x

[RedGiraffe]

That’s the thing, things are still not open or I don’t feel safe/comfortable doing the things open – sigh!

[Wiseafter]

Hi I have few friends to do things with and actually feel lonely and isolated because of what I have been and am still going through which they really don’t ‘get’. I advise not to overthink it too much, but just to get out there on your own. The world is full of people who are generally kind and friendly. We are not used to this so relearning how to be open is hard. The best thing I did recently and I highly recommend this when you are ready – was book a hotel on a cheap last minute online rate, in a small but beautiful city I had never been before. I ate dinner in the restaurant, savouring every bite of ordering what I wanted and not having to think about anyone else – I ordered a bottle of champagne and told the barman I wanted to drink half each night and to keep it cold for me. I struck up a socially distanced conversation with a couple. I would never have done this before when with my ex. If I did, he would want to know why I was talking to strangers – or even flirting. I walked around exploring, doing what I wanted and taking photos. I went out in the evening, walking past a bar 3 times before plucking up courage to go in and it was absolutely fine! People are friendly out there and if you tell the hotel you are visiting you are on your own and having a little ‘me’ time, they may even upgrade you if the hotel is quiet which is what happened in my case. Doing this and being safe has given me huge confidence. I want to caveat that there is pain that comes with all of this, seeing couples happy and relaxed and ‘normal’ brings alot of pain and sadness out. I had alot of grief to deal with when I was away. You just have to accept that is going to happen whether you are out and about, or sitting in front of the TV. Grief, bereavement and fear will prevent you from moving forward if you are not careful so sometimes, getting out and about is very good for the soul and getting to know ‘you’ again. Don’t ever be ashamed. The goal is to be at peace with yourself and that is worth more than anything.

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, I love the hotel idea… I will try this one day! I guess it’s because I’ve never had to do things on my own from the age where I was old enough to go and do things I was already with him and time passed from there! I’m looking forward to things such as doing what I want to do just because I want to do it, I think if things were different now/ normal (no COVID) I would feel better but I suppose to just have to get on. Thank you.

[ultimatelyStrong]

My experience has been that it takes time to be comfortable being on your own. To start with it’ll feel massive and weird but it’s like anything new, the more you do it the more normal it will feel and even enjoyable. Rome wasn’t built in a day, take your time with baby steps. You will also naturally make friends as you do more things.

What an exciting path you’re just starting on! The whole world is open to you 😊

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you girls, I wish things were more normal (no COVID) so I could just get out and get doing things but I’m so full of aniexty around the virus that I’m nervous about everything… I will start slowly – a shopping trip, a coffee, a meal, cinema etc…

I’m looking forward to the future tbh and I don’t want my insecurities of being thought of as ‘weird’ or whatever to stop me enjoying things I love – just because I’m by myself!

[Camel]

Hi RedGiraffe

It sounds like you’re itching to get on with life and it’s so positive. Even though you’re understandably scared you’re not letting that stop you.

I’ve spent long periods being single. Although I’ve been fortunate to have friends, that hasn’t guaranteed company whenever I needed it. Coupled-up friends tend to have full calendars. I found my social life tended to fit around what other people were doing.

For years I never went on holiday. It’s expensive to travel alone as well as daunting – I couldn’t imagine going out at night and didn’t see the point of early nights in a hotel room. Eventually I did take the plunge and took a couple of overseas trips where the focus was on group activity. (Sorry, I know that this is unhelpful right now but hopefully one day…)

Some time ago I took an online course. There was a forum where we posted and discussed the work so it was kind of sociable. But the important thing was being free to dedicate my time to something I wanted to do. Not having to concern myself with a partner’s demands and moods.

I’m with you on fearing Covid. It’s still out there, just as dangerous. But it has thrown up new and unexpected opportunities. I’d not long joined exercise classes when lockdown hit. The groups moved to Zoom which are surprisingly more sociable than when face to face. I’m sure you could find a group if it’s your kind of thing.

I’ve ventured out to pubs lately – relatively quiet ones with nice gardens and good safety routines – and felt very comfortable being alone. Take something to read.

Covid is going to be an obstacle for a good while yet but we’re all in the same boat, learning new ways of doing things. Good luck 🙂

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, yeah I am itching to get on with life now… if it was a ‘normal’ summer I would probably go to the beach or for a walk in the woods but now the beaches are too crowded and places are shut so even if I went for a walk in the woods I wouldn’t be able to stop anywhere if I needed! Eugh! Hopefully soon 🙂

I’m exercising but not as a group, maybe once things open back up I will look into joining a group 🙂

[Anonymous]

Hi Sunshine227, enjoy your freedom and maybe don’t plan anything, just go with the flow. This is the most beautiful thing about being free. It’s not having to have dinner ready for a certain time or being told what to do when the abuser says so. I’m really enjoying being alone and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel at peace and fairly relaxed. Xx

[Keshasaidit]

I would of said I had no friends either (or very few) but I joined Facebook and connected with people I haven’t seen in over 20 years. They were glad to hear from me and I’ve been out for walks, dinner, coffees etc…. After being convinced for so many years I was difficult to like I’m realising day by day that is not true. My advice, reach out you may be pleasantly surprised. Good luck and enjoy your new found freedom ❤️

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you x

[Tickleribber]

Hi RedGiraffe

I love Theatre and live entertainment too, started going out on my own to those a good while back because he wouldn’t and life’s too short not to.
I didn’t want to have any regrets that he’d stopped me doing the things I love later on. Fortunately he’s never stopped me going out on my own, I am expected to work after all and contribute money.

Maybe think about open air theatres and shows, there are a few of those going on with social distancing that I’ve been to recently so maybe check in your area.
It’s surprising how one thing leads to another, I went from seeing bands in my area to the next show my favourite ones were doing nearby, that was a different venue I’d never heard of, and they had a wider range of outdoor entertainment.
Once I got started, I enjoyed it much more and talked to more people than if I’d gone with him sitting there glaring away and wanting to leave early.
You could wait a very long time for the “right” time to try this, but I’d say just go for it if it’s organised properly Official event and give it a try, good luck.

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you so much! It’s so nice to hear from someone who shares the same interests! My area aren’t hosting any open ones that I know of but I will keep checking!
Mine would come with me but didn’t enjoy the experience like I do but things like the cinema it wasn’t allowed to be a movie I wanted to watch unless it was of mutual interest … im looking forward to seeing a lot more films.

[Author]

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