13th January 2022 at 1:38 pm #136996HsjslehdhdParticipant
I’m pretty new here but I have been visiting the forum for a while and reading your posts they have been a massive support for me so thank you all so much.
I just wanted to write a quick post to all the ladies who are still in a bad situation and feel trapped or feel too scared to make the next step or seek out help and support.
It’s scary I know, it’s overwhelming and its a rollercoaster of emotions but it is so so worth it! The support I have recieved from the police, (detail of local service removed by moderator), the helplines and the council has been amazing. Truly amazing! They have been there everystep of the way, they have done everything in their power to keep me and my children safe. They have completely changed my mindset and helped to build me up to a position where I feel strong enough to walk away without any guilt or even a second look back. I have had many wobbles but each time they have been in touch before I’ve had the chance to knock myself down. I’m not saying its easy, at times I’ve hurt so much, I’ve cried and questioned myself and still do sometimes but I now believe in myself and my choices. Do not hesitate to get help, it’s not like you may think, I haven’t been questioned, I haven’t had to justify myself to them, they have believed in me from day 1.
Some things I want you to know- He’s just a person like everyone else, he has no more power than you or anyone else, you do not need to bow down to him, he does not own you and its him who needs to change not you! You are not the problem and never were, you deserve so much better! You are entitled to your own life and to be happy, safe and to have a calm environment. You are worth so much more and there is so much support out there, gather as much of that as you can and get yourself out, life is so much better without them!
Sending you all lots of luck and strength! You’ve got this!!
13th January 2022 at 3:51 pm #137019nbumblebeeParticipant
This is such lovley encouraging posts thank you.
I love hearing of your strength and the support you got well done to you.
It does gives those like me who are still here some hope and comfort so Thank you. This is just so so hard so very hard.
I hope you continue to grow and heal. Xxxxx
14th January 2022 at 9:43 pm #137121AurielParticipant
Thank you for this post hsjslehdhd, @nbumblebee was one of the 1st people I thought of when I read this post, it is really hard to get out of these things due to trauma bonds and the low level of self esteem, fear depression and other ties that bind but as you said it can be done and it can be, the more hope and inspiration from posts like this and more members writing about how they left will bring encouragement and strength to others deeply unhappy due to their living situations with perpetrators, 🥂 👏🏻 👍🏻 💖💞💖
16th January 2022 at 7:23 pm #137233HsjslehdhdParticipant
I’m glad you all took something positive from my post.
I know how extremely difficult it is, every day is a battle.
I know all to well about the police not being as supportive as they should, when I tried to leave years ago they didn’t take me seriously, they offered no support or referrals to agencys that could help me and I didn’t even know they existed back then, I didn’t even recognize it was abuse I just knew he was hurting me and I needed help. They literally did nothing, I tried to do it on my own and even moved to a new area but he continued to harrass me everyday for (detail removed by Moderator) months, some days I had up to a 100 missed calls and 50 idd texts (we had a child together so I had to keep in contact for visits etc). He found where I lived and would show up whenever he felt like it.
I showed the police and pleaded with them for help and they did nothing. I completely lost faith in them after that and didn’t dare ring them ever again until before Christmas.
I rang out of pure fear, I wasn’t thinking and I’m glad I wasn’t. The police have now had special training for domestic abuse and are in close contact with agencys that can help, there is so much more support than there used to be. They were completely different this time round.
I’m still taking every day as it comes and I have a long way to go yet, it’s not easy even with all the support but I’m heading in the right direction now and the help and support is keeping my head above water.
If anyone ever needs to talk I’m always here, feel free to message me at any time. I’m not always on here but I’ll always get back to you when I can.
Sending lots of strength
16th January 2022 at 7:29 pm #137234AurielParticipant
Thank you hsjslehdhd very kind 🧡🤗🧡
16th January 2022 at 8:12 pm #137240Grey RockParticipant
“He’s just a person like everyone else, he has no more power than you or anyone else, you do not need to bow down to him, he does not own you and its him who needs to change not you.”
I remember thinking (like he did) that he was much more powerful / different than he really was. Sometimes I even wondered if he was a devil walking the earth. Other times I was convinced he could read my mind. That he had people watching me. The way he managed to control me and instil fear into me. Id always been so confident. Not afraid to speak up for someone against a bully. And in that little world that was his house it seemed impossible. And I didn’t realize that he was just a typical abuser. Those weird things he said and did, since doing Freedom Program and being on here, reading and posting and watching lots of Dr Ramani YouTube videos, reading lots of books etc and educating myself, I now know that he’s just a type. And that the things he did and said were absolutely typical and are recognized and understood by women’s support charities and organizations, and (some of) the police.
And also at the time I struggled to see it as abuse. In fact like others, no one thing seemed bad enough a reason to leave him or contact the police. Now I’m away from him that seems like craziness, but I was exhausted and scared and, frankly, had been conditioned to obey him and not upset him, or to expect him to be fair or reasonable or respectful. Now I’m out I know that it’s always okay to leave a situation that makes you miserable. Even if the person isn’t abusive.
Ut when we’re just surviving day to day we can’t think things through so lucidly as everything is a mess in our heads just treading those eggshells.
18th January 2022 at 10:38 pm #137364ChocolatebunnieParticipant
I really needed to read a post line this, glad you’re getting there x*x
18th January 2022 at 10:43 pm #137365TeaandcatsParticipant
Thank you Hsjslehdhd, I needed to read this today.
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