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Hi,
Im feeling so lost and not sure what step to take next. I have been out of the relationship over a year after (detail removed by Moderator) decades but the abuse continues through the children we share, we did court but that hasnt stopped the abuse. I have now received a complaint from social services that (detail removed by Moderator) and then (detail removed by Moderator) after this complaint, the other parent was just randomly at the school when it was pick up to pass a message to one of the teachers who said it was unnessessary for them to be there and was just to try get a reaction and make me scared. I dont want to play the games i want to be free from it all im so scared, people say it will get better but i dont know when it will end. I have tried to put boundaries in place i have spoken to early help before the complaint was made to try and get help for my children who are going through the abuse now and is really affecting their mental health which the other parent will never see there wrongs. Although the complaint is anonymous the details of the complaint are all about him so i know he put in a false claim and now im the one been investigated im scared and just want to be left alone and dont know what to do or who to talk too.
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Hi ImFeelinglost,
It’s very common for perpetrators to carry on their abuse using the children and whatever else they can after a woman has left. It’s a situation I know that many women on this forum unfortunately have experience of.
A social services referral can be scary, they have to look into reports but their focus is your children’s wellbeing. They will be able to see that you’re not only taking care of your children properly but that you’ve been reaching out to services to ask for support where you need it. You could speak to Family Rights Group with any questions you have about the process of social services’ involvement. You can report malicious social services referrals to the police as a form of harassment, even if they weren’t able to take an investigation further at this point, the report would be logged and could be part of showing a pattern of behaviour.
It also sounds like the school recognise your ex’s abusive behaviour and attempts to intimidate you. Schools can usually provide some level of additional support for pupils struggling with their mental health. If you haven’t already, speaking to them about what’s going on could be an avenue for accessing some extra help.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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