Don't know how much more I can take..

[Jelly bean]

So I’m sat here crying yet again, would of thought I would of learnt by now not to let him get to me but I can’t help it.

He’s been posting on social media about me for quite a few months now. All of it untrue, and just calling me names really. It made me angry but I didn’t react to it I’ve just been saving it (detail removed by Moderator)

(detail removed by Moderator)

He’s now put something on there that calls me some pretty harsh things and also made a comment that I have taken as (detail removed by Moderator)

I’m petrified. I’m intimidated, scared..

I just feel like nothing is being done about it and I don’t actually know what I can do.

It also confirms my beliefs even more that all of this is most definitely not about the children.. It’s all to do with me 🙁 why can he just not leave me alone..

[Ayanna]

Take a screenshot and call the police. Call 101 and tell them. They will send someone round and you can show them the evidence. Do not wait. He has comitted a crime. If the police thinks right they might arrest him for that tonight. x*x

[Escaped not free]

Get a solicitor, apply for a non molestation order but crucially with a power of arrest. He’s really stupid if he thinks he can do this. My ex is way more sneaky and would never expose this publicly. He’s given you a gift wrapped piece of evidence. Report it again and again and again. Every time to police and solicitor. He can be arrested if you have evidence he has put you in a state of fear or alarm. My ex does it privately so there’s nothing I can do but you can and should. Be strong fight the evil bully back. Sending you hugs x*x

[Serenity]

Yes, you need to take a screen shot and take it to the police, ASAP.

I took screenshots as evidence in court for his threatening behaviour X

[KIP.]

Hi jelly bean. I came off social media totally, it’s not worth staying on and definitely not worth reading anything he puts on. For your own mental health. If someone needs to read his social media site, get your solicitor to do it. Don’t upset yourself. 5 warnings is too many for an abuser. Does your solicitor have experience in dealing with an abuser. You don’t give them warnings. You just report them to the police.

[Jelly bean]

I’m really scared to ring the police.

I know that sounds stupid and pathetic but I have no idea of what to say, I’ll get my words muddled up. I’ve got no idea why I’m so nervous about reporting this.

I’m not even on Facebook any more, (detail removed by Moderator).

I feel like if I ring the police they are going to say he’s done nothing wrong or they can’t do anything about it or that I’m overreacting or something?

I think my solicitor is suppose to be a specialist in domestic abuse. (detail removed by Moderator) but that doesn’t stop it from happening or make me feel safe does it? X

[Ayanna]

Jelly bean, please ring 101. Say you have a problem and you do not know what to do. Then you can slowly explain. They listen. They will help you to describe what happened. You need to call the police.
101 is not the emergency service, they discuss things with people on that number.
There is no harm logging this. They will give you a reference number for your call to keep. Maybe they send someone out to see the screenshot and talk to you and see how they can support you.
Your solicitor acts strangely for sure.
Please call the police. You cannot let him get away with this. What if he makes his threat reality? Then there is no evidence that he said that and you miss out. x*x

[Escaped not free]

The crucial thing is having a power of arrest attached to the non molestation order. I totally get how you feel about talking to the police. I have a very resposible high pressured job and often have to be involved with police through work but reporting my abuse turned me to a nervous inarticulate wreck….do it anyway. U need to keep doing it. Just as he chips away at you you need to chip awY at him via the police. They won’t do anything at first perhaps but eventually a sherif wil get annoyed at you ex arrogance and do something. Please report it. I genuinely understand how hard it is but do it or it won’t stop. X

[Jelly bean]

So I have spoken with a solicitor and apparently there is nothing that can be done about this other than what has already been done. I could report it if I wanted to but no action would be taken. So I haven’t done anything as of yet.. It just seems like no one is taking it seriously.

[Ayanna]

You need to speak to the police. Solicitors are not always right. A log with the police is very useful.

[Serenity]

My solicitor said he didn’t think my ex’s behaviour was extreme enough to get an injunction. So I went to the NCDV independently, and got a non-mol.

Call the NCDV and ask their advice x

[Jelly bean]

I reported it to the police in the end.

They said because he wasn’t threatening to actuallt do anything they couldn’t do anything about it. But they did log it and give me an incident number and just said that his behaviour right now was good evidence and just to hang on in there.

Serenity, what is ncdv? I’ve never heard of that x

[Ayanna]

Wonderful! I am so happy you did that!

Check out this website: http://www.ncdv.org.uk/

[Serenity]

Hi Jelly Bean,

I see Ayanna has given you the link, but just to say that the National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) were very helpful to me. They organised my application for a non-molestation order.

I paid £100 for them to phone me, take notes and type up a summary, and then serve it to him at work by a court representative.

If you don’t want to pay this money, they can send you the template and you can serve it to him through someone else, for less money.

The non-mol will be effective once served, but will be ‘ex parte.’ That means he can turn up at court to contest it at a later date.

Mine contested it, but the judge still only turned it into an Undertaking ( still prohibiting him to come near me ).

[Jelly bean]

Thanks ladies.

My solicitor has said that we will be asking for an undertaking next time, I’m not really sure what the difference is.

Will an undertaking be enough or would I still have to speak with the ncdv about a non-mol?

Sorry for all the questions but thanks for all the advice! Xx

[Serenity]

My non-mol was turned eventually into an undertaking against him.

They have the same dictates ( for example, he isn’t allowed to contact you directly, go on your road, or whatever ), but whereas the non-mol is part of criminal law and your ex could be arrested on the spot if he breaks the order, with an undertaking- which is part of civil law- you would need to take him
back to court if he breaks it.
The penalties for breaking an undertaking can still be severe- imprisonment or a fine.

Sometimes a solicitor will
advise you to go for an Undertaking.

This is because a judge can only agree to continue a contested non-mol
if the risks to you are deemed severe. If not, all he can offer is an Undertaking, which your ex would be asked to agree to.

I agreed to the latter rather than lead the court without any protection.

My ex has been snide in trying to affect me, and has been on my road though he isn’t meant to, but hasn’t approached me or talked to me directly. The judge wagged his finger at him and warned him that he could be severely punished if he broke it.

[Author]

Posts