Don’t know how to carry on anymore 😢

[Starmoon]

I can’t trust anyone anymore. I feel like I am in a horror film… All of my worst nightmares are coming true. All of the people who were supposed to help me just think I’m some crazy person who’s made it all up.
Years of emotional, sexual and physical abuse and I had a brake down… I didn’t even know I was being abused until I came on here and started reading about it. Still I let him abused me because I didn’t have the strength to leave and the only reason I have been able to get away from him is because two police officers witnessed part of the assault and were finally the first real people to tell me in person that he is an abuser. I spent hours giving a statement and they honestly sat there telling me he was wrong but for the rest of my life everyone looks at me as if I’m dirt and bought it all on myself… After one of his many abusive episodes whilst I was miscarrying his baby- I sat hysterically begging him not to leave me and when he did- I wanted to die! So he told social services I wanted to die and they assigned a social worker who I think is corrupt. Once he called them to say I’d told him I was going to jump off a bridge which I wasn’t… And she said I needed to get cctv from the bridge to prove I wasn’t there??!!!
Then she said that until he’s officially charged with assaulting me.. They can’t take my word for it because I am apparently mentally ill.
I was getting counseling until today (I decided not to go- I can’t trust them anymore).
I’ve had the biggest battle on my hands to prove to social services that I’m not mentally ill…. That it’s him who has abused me.. That in its self is almost impossible when you have been made to believe you’re mad by your abuser.
She’s broken confidentiality, she’s told my counselor and my doctor that it’s a child protection matter in order to gain information on my mental state… And it isn’t a child protection case and never has been. But it’s like she has gone above and beyond and broken so many rules just to prove I’m crazy!!
I fought so hard to get this case closed and every time she told me she was closing it- he apparently told her I had told him I was going to kill myself and then I had to some how prove that it wasn’t true… But because I can’t do that… How could I?! She continued to investigate! I was assigned a risk assessment pc because of the attack from my ex and when I told her what was going on, she said she would call ss. Miraculously the next day she called me to say the case had been closed. But then a week later I had a call from early intervention to say the social worker had referred me to them and she had said I was to go on parenting classes.. If I didn’t- the case would be reopened. I refused.
I saw my babies health visitor how read the ss file and the sw had lied about her and the things she had said about me too. My health visitor was not happy.
In the file it said that a doctor with cmht had confirmed a diagnosis of a mental disorder which was news to me- I have only seen this particular Doctor twice for 5 minutes to discuss antidepressants. I have never been told of any diagnosis and I strongly argue that I do not have this diagnosis. I called to find out from this doctor- and today found out that he apparently didn’t give a diagnosis but did give her private medical information. They all confirm that he should not have given it because it was not a child protection matter and he did not have concerns for me or my children.
But because of all of this… Because of how corrupt the social worker seems to be it is clear she will use anything that she can get her hands on. I have missed a counseling session this morning that I so desperately needed because I want and need to talk about the abuse he put me threw but I can’t trust them any more…. I have no one left to talk to and all of this just makes me wish I had just never believed I had a rite to stand up for myself

[godschild]

Starmoon this is all so dreadful,you do have someone to talk to us ladies on here and I have told yo to PM me anytime im here for you.
These people have listened to him elaborating on something you said ,we all say and feel and think these things at times when we are being abused. For goodness sake do they not see you were losing a baby and he was leaving you, how would they have felt
Ayanna often mentions rights of Women have you spoken to them ,they may be able to assist you with advise on what is going on with the authorities.
There must be some help you can get to get justice in what has been goingon, im just not sure what, google rights of women and at least ask if they can help you.
Such a shame you have missed your appointment but i understand why you did not go, you are the innocent victim in all of this,its so so unjust. I have never ever heard such rubbish as having to prove by cct that you were not at the bridge utter rubbish
Pm me anytime, did you get my message yesterday I really care about what is happening to you hugsxxxx

[Starmoon]

They have won. My dad has told me I’m mentally ill. My mum has washed her hands of me! I have begged them to support and help me today but all they have done is say I bought it on myself

[godschild]

Oh Starmoon that is so awful your own parents speaking to you like this, you should not have to beg them for help , you have brought nothing on yourself, maybe thay cant cope themselves but they cant blame you, please message me im here to support you , hope you got my message yesterday xxxxxx

[brokendreams]

Starmoon,
I understand the feeling of nobody listening, and to claim your mentally ill, I have no family due to my ex making everyone think I was mad, crazy, but your not, you strong, and don’t allow their lies to break you.
Many hugs x*x

[lover of no contact]

Hi Starmoon,

All the abusers claim we are ‘mentally ill’. That is classic abuser speak. Mine nearly had me believing it too about myself only that I was attending a support group and they made sure ‘his ridiculous feedback on my mental health’ didn’t get into my head. He convinced my children I was . He would shout at me daily ‘You’re mad! You’re insane! You need to see a doctor! You are destroying the children and me!’ He was very convincing to the children. And of course he convinced his family I was the mad one and they believed him. But I only had supercharged emotions because he was abusing and terrorizing me badly. My mind and emotions and life were in a mess because he was abusing me on every conceivable level.

I had no family support either (my mother and brother are abusers) except my aunt who also had the ‘attitude’ that there was a pair of us in it! And I had one friend similar. Its so frustrating and hurtful at the time, on top of the abuse.

But always remember Starmoon you have us, even if your mum and dad can’t be there for you.

My daughter was being badly abused by her dad and her older sister (my other daughter) has the same attitude as your parents, saying she brings it on herself. But this just echoes the abuser who maintains ‘if you didn’t do a,b,c,d then I wouldn’t have to get mad/reject you’ yada, yada.

And the professionals supporting the abuser’s rubbish and believing the false accusations. I found that so painful. I was distraught when I read the document prepared for the court that the abuser ordered and the professionals didn’t see through him (he is a wonderful actor).
Don’t panic. Stay calm. The truth of who he is become apparent. It did in my case and all of that which you are experiencing now, I went through but all was ok in the end.

Remember Serenity’s analogy of be a graceful swan on the outside with the professionals (while paddling furiously with your emotions underneath,) but with us).

This too will pass.

[Starmoon]

Thank you so much for your replies again. I genuinely believed I was crazy last year. I feel distraught at the moment and so tired with it all but last year I was so low that I just gave up fighting for myself. I believed I was mad. I was too scared to speak in case I got things wrong and I begged cmht to help me and make me normal so that I wouldn’t suffer anymore. I begged him to forgive me and I walked around like a zombie. I absorbed everything he said to me and I constantly said I was sorry. I walked on egg shells and never defended myself or shouted back. I tried so so hard to never put a foot wrong but when I did- the punishment was so much worse. That’s when it got physical… And even sexual although i didn’t really realize the latter until recently. On one occasion he drugged me and when it reacted with the medication I’m on I ended up in hospital, because I was so poorly he admitted it to me but made me lie and say I’d been out with friends. The worst part of all of that is that even though I knew he was wrong to do it- I accepted his reason.. He told me he wanted the old me back when I used to make him happy! So then all I did was say I was sorry!

[Serenity]

You aren’t crazy- you have suffered horrendously.

My mum and sister were so dreadfully cruel and hard when I was at my lowest. I’ve chosen to forgive- but I won’t forget. I will never divulge my deepest feelings to her or my elder sister ever again.

I think that at times of trouble, people show their true colours. It seems you can’t rely on your parents to be there for you properly, and if they are saying damaging things, you need to keep them at arm’s length.

We’ve all been where you are and we understand a lot of what you’ve gone through.

It’s time to be your own best friend and taking care of you. Be charitable to yourself. You’ve been through a lot. X*x

[Ayanna]

Hi hun, YOU ARE NOT MENTALLY ILL !!!

You are traumatised, severely traumatised, probably suffering from PTSD! For this there is no medication, only long therapy.
And this trauma is NOT your fault!!!

Complain about the social worker. What you wrote here, tell a lawyer from Rights of Women. They will tell you what you can do.
Do not let that social worker get away.
Keep standing up for yourself.
When he says you want to kill yourself and they tell you, act surprised and remain very calm. Tell them you have no intention to do that and you would never do that, calmly, with a smile on your face. And then tell them calmly that he always does this and this is a tactic and you find it really boring that he does not invent another way to harass you.
I just give you an example how to react.
Maybe someone else can also suggest how you could react.
The help services employ many evil people. They only look for weak points in order to harm us.
I have come across a lot of them. Nobody ever helped me. They all tried to destroy me.
Stay strong. Escaping from abuse is very difficult.

[Confused123]

hEY huN

sending u hug of support,u r not mental and if they are saying u r mental , ask him to prove the lies since he made them up and u will not accept these allegations that u r mental cause ex said, and state that and get it log that u r disputing those arguments. As for your parents,, i would keep away from them, they clearly cant be supportive or helpful towards u

[Author]

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