Don’t know how to cope!!

[Silverheart]

Every single day I try to be positive be happy I try to be the best mum possible, while dealing with ptsd and a constant n********t ex constantly on at me. But today has been soul destroying, my kids had regular visitation with there father. I’ve started to notice my son behaviour has changed I thought it was because of lockdown but today was something different, my family have noticed it as well and said that he sounds and is starting to behave the same as his dad. My son talks to me like his dad does. I thought maybe it was in my head or I’m over sensitive and just didn’t want to believe it, I’ve always hoped that I could teach my son right from wrong and that having a happy home would out way the negative impact of his dad, but I don’t think it’s working anymore. (detail removed by Moderator) he has to have supervised visits with family, from the behaviour witnesesed of them I don’t think they care enough to say anything to there son. I know what I have to do I’m just so scared last time this happened (detail removed by Moderator) they made my life a miserable and I had to move. I will do anything for my children but when will this stop, it’s like torture and I don’t know if deep down I can cope much longer. Really feel like I’ve failed my kids there all I care about I just want them to be happy safe and loved. I have an Idva but when I spoke to her in lockdown she kind of made me stupid, she has said we have done all we can! I don’t know how to help myself/my kids! I was hoping my solicitor would help, but I’m not even sure of that. Lost confused and scared.

[Lisa]

Hi Silverheart,

How are you? I am sorry to hear how you feeling and what you are going through because of your ex-partner. It is clear from your posts you are a brilliant mum putting your children first. It must be heartbreaking to see your son acting like his father but you have not failed your children. I am also disappointed to hear how your IDVA reacted, have you spoken again since? Is there a different IDVA you could speak to?

I hope it helped to offload on the forum, please do keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Silverheart]

Hi I’m trying to keep busy so I can act like a normal person for a couple of days, it’s the best I can do for now. Thank you for saying that, there my life I always find myself taking all the abuse from there dad so I know it won’t ever be placed on them. I think maybe my Idva gets a bit annoyed with me, she’s been helping me for years and has given me so much advice and help but it doesn’t help coz he’s still in control on my life every time I put down boundaries he then threatens everyone I know, so to keep everyone safe I put myself in the middle. Maybe I’m hopeless. I’ve tried talking to another Idva but it’s hard to explain it all again.

Thank you for replying, it does help to rant and get it all out of my head.

[lover of no contact]

My children were very disturbed and 2 in particular were siding and copying their dads attitude and way of speaking to me. It was awful at the time and I feared for them and I feared for my relationship with them. However my worst fears were not realised. It was a phase that they have come through and they are now lovely young adults and recently I got a heartfelt apology from my eldest at how she treated me at times and without me ever saying a word she has started to see her dad as he really is..which is a miracle because he really had her brainwashed to his schewed reality and against me(aided by his family who my daughter loved). The truth really comes out ..with time..but I had to be patient. Meanwhile with another daughter who was more verbally abusive than the others where she would scream at me how she hated me and calling me b***h etc (and my ex behind the scenes orchestrating this)I would say nothing at the time except perhaps that is unacceptable. Afterwards when she needed a lift I would tell her that it was wrong to speak to her mum like that and that she wouldn’t speak to her friends or her teacher like that and it just wasn’t right. I had to let go of her response but kept pulling her up firmly on her behaviour. I feel she was taking this in and now today they are all finally seeing things as they really are. It was so painful though at the time; more painful than him discarding me after (detail removed by moderator) decades of marriage.

 

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