Don’t know how

[beachbum]

I don’t live with my boyfriend (even though he’s tried his best to make it happen) but I often stay around his flat during the week. Our lives are very much intertwined, we have the same friendship group, spend a lot of time together and I’ve built up a close relationship with his young sister as she stays around a lot due to his mother having ill health, and being pretty dismissive of her daughter. Every time I leave him it’s due to the physical and emotional abuse, he knows this, but every time, be it a few weeks, a few months, etc, I always go back to him. I feel as though I am reliant on him for emotional support as he had helped me through a rough patch and I feel like no-one understands me as he does. I really feel like I would be letting the love of my life go, and I’d never find anyone that makes me feel the way he does; but I’m terrified of him. The last time I left I ended up in the hospital, and I know he knows the shifts I work, where I’ll be when and I know if he wanted to he could ruin my life. I don’t know how to get out of this situation and if the police would believe me if I went to them. I’d hate to be an inconvenience to any of the emergency services, but I don’t know how to get my life back. Any advice welcome.
P.S Sorry for the 2 posts in quick succession, it’s the first time I’ve felt confident enough to post on here and it’s such a weight off to be able to talk about this openly.

[Alone]

I’m sorry, I’m stressed and drinking so can’t reply properly, but I wanted to say post as much as you need to. I hope someone will be able to say something to help you. Have you tried calling the helpline? I have called them before, not recently (though I should), but it’s good for saying what you need to, and getting a clear, uninvolved response. You can do it alongside posting, but they have a lot more info on getting out.

From your message it sounds like you understand things for what they are, and want some help. Give the helpline a call, and keep posting. Sometimes replies are slow, as people are all going through things in the here and now, but everyone is still here for you.

xx

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Beachbum,
Don’t be sorry for posting, you’re always welcome. It sounds like you’re in a dangerous situation, but you already know that. You also know you need to break free from this cycle of abuse. So you have already identified there’s a problem and you have taken the first step posting on here. Well done, first step is always the hardest. I would suggest you phone the helpline or your local women’s aid group and arrange a meeting or ask advice over the phone. Your GP is another good starting point. Try to find an independent friend or family member who can support you through this. It’s much easier with a good supportive group around you. Then I’m afraid you need to leave and go no contact. I know that’s easy to say, but you know that’s what you need to do. You ended up in hospital last time, don’t be a statistic next time, please. Better to feel lonely for a while and be safe. He obviously doesn’t love you like you love him. I know what that’s like, but trust me as hard as leaving now might seem, staying and enduring the fear and abuse will be worse. Stay safe

[Author]

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