Don’t know if I am being abused?

[moomoo3421]

I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) years. In that time we have had two beautiful children. Throughout the relationship, I have accepted that my partner gets angry quite easily. For years I’ve struggled with, is it me that’s making him angry, or is that the person he is. I feel he drinks excessively and lies to me about how much he actually drinks. He isn’t afraid to call me names, shout, slam doors etc. And he isn’t afraid to this in front of our children.

I’ve always struggled with knowing if this is just a couple arguing, or if this is mental abuse.

I feel ashamed that I allow him to behave like this in front of my children. For years he’s made me feel that I am the one who is to blame because I “nag him”. Over the last year, I’ve been asking myself… is it me? Or is it him being abusive.

I’m dying to get out of this unhealthy relationship. As selfish as it sounds, I’m scared where me and my children will end up. I work full-time, I’m career driven and for some reason I just can’t seem to take that leap due the worry about having all that financial responsibility (paying all the bills, childcare costs etc) on one wage.

I guess I’m just looking for advice from other women who have been in my shoes.

[Better-days]

Hi I just want to reach out as I could have written this post my self. I joined this forum 3 years ago thinking my life isn’t as bad as anyone here and the harsh reality is that it is. I thought back then I could never leave I have a nice home and where would I end up ect. . Iv now reached out to woman’s aid and will be applying for a house, again I first thought oh where will I end up? But the reality is wherever I do it may not be much or as nice as we have but it will be ours with no shouting name calling and arguing and that’s all that matters. I hope you are ok your not alone xx

[Bananaboat]

100% what Betterdays said! I’d looked into mental health, behavioural conditions, drug abuse, alcohol addiction, was it him was it me, all before I arrived here and it started to click into place.  Lundy Bancroft’s book, ‘why does he do that’ was a godsend (can get free pdfs online or buy at Amazon etc), then reading more and more posts on here and seeing the same struggles. Don’t be ashamed, it’s all part & parcel of their trickery to lure you in and beat you down until you’re too scared to leave. Turn2us is really helpful for finding out what financial help you might be entitled to if/when you decide to leave. As someone who had all those exact same thoughts and fears, I’m now in my own home, kids and me are so much happier even the dog. It’s a rollercoaster but worth it x

[moomoo3421]

Thank you both so much. You don’t know how refreshing it was to read your experience.

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