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    • #14892
      meand4
      Participant

      its been a couple of years since i finally broke free of my nightmare, happy to say my childrens nightmares have stopped and i am in a new relationship with a wonderful supportive man and we have just had a baby :). life is great. i have tried hard to put the past behind me, and forget it all and i did find my self thinking about it all less and less mostly on the days when i receive the compansation payments. Then a bomb! i received a phone call from social services, i have not had any dealings with them for a number of years so was very surprised, and i had no idea what the woman was taking about! turns out my vile ex strikes again! he has beaten up his girlfreind and when the police attended the address they arrested him and took her statement, and interviewed him. instead of noting down the children that where present in the address the noted down all of his children so when they sent the refurell to social services there was a bit of a mix up and i was contacted! they apologised for there error and thats that. they couldnt tell me any more because of confidentiality. i then recieved a social media message from his partners close family member asking if i would message her! every thing came rushing back and i started to panic! it took years for me and my children to escape and i dont want to go to go back to all that, i blocked the person and the girlfriend and just hoped that would be the end of it. but i cant stop thinking about it :(. i know social services and womens aid will be there to help her if she chooses and i know that its not my problem but i just cant stop thinking about this woman and if she is ok. i dont know what to do. social services will have gone to see her by now but how much can they tell her about his past. it plays on my mind all the time but i dont want to do any thing that may bring this man back in to our lives i do have a restraining order so we are some what protected but he has been to prison for breaking it in the past i guess my question is would you keep quite and say nothing not get involved and hope for the best or would you speak to her sorry for the long one guys

    • #14955
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi meand4,

      Welcome to the Forum and thank you for sharing with us. Great to hear you are now in a happy and supportive relationship- congratulations on your new baby!

      Sorry to hear about what has happened recently, it must be very upsetting for you bringing back painful memories. It is a difficult decision which only you can make but it is helpful to know that the police and social services have been involved and will be in contact with her.

      If you would like to talk things through then the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline is available as a listening service. They are available on 0808 2000 247, they cannot tell you what to do but can discuss options.

      I am sure others will be along soon to offer their support.

      Once again, welcome to the Forum!

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #14992
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI Hun

      I think this is one you will have to decide how u personally feel but its a good idea to get other people view or have been in abusive realtionship. When i left my ex after a (detail removed by moderator)year abusive realtionship i too after i had got over the inital shock was saying i would like to get in touch with my ex sis in law who experienced violence a lot with my ex b in law (we lived as an extended family), but i think what stop me was the fact that i was so trautmisied by what had happened to me i thought she must of felt the same and after moving on it wasnt fair to bring her past up incase she was married and settled again, it would of as like for u brought a lot of bad memories for her so i decided not tomake contact. If someone contacted me , it would trigger me off , it would upset me , but i would want that person to know shes not alone, i would briefly explain i experienced emmeance abuse with the same abuser , be honest and say even though u have receovered u get triggers, therefore u prefer not to discuss what happened with u but recommend her to get support for her receovery and do no contact with abuser .Keep it short but polite and ask for your wishes to be respected

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