Don’t know where to go from here

[LyriaTwilight]

I haven’t posted before, I don’t know if this is the right place. I left my ex a while ago now. I live alone with the children. My ex was physically, sexually and emotionally abusive. He controlled every aspect of my life. He has a new partner and lives in a nearby town. He causes me trouble every possible step of the way. He very rarely pays money for the children, he messes them about with very sporadic contact. He phones and texts me constantly, when I left my phone at home to escape him the other day I had (detail removed by moderator)calls and (detail removed by moderator) texts from him in less than (detail removed by moderator) hours. He still had a key and would let himself in whenever he felt like it and go through my things. (detail removed by moderator)he used his key to let himself in, drunk, and force me into sex with him. I changed the locks after that. He tells the children everything is my fault to the extent that my oldest tells me he hates me and wants to live with his dad (this isn’t possible anyway). He hacked into all of my emails and changed the passwords and tried to access my Facebook account.On a recent visit he took my spare key and is refusing to return it. (detail removed by moderator). I am terrified of every little noise and cannot sleep at night. I do leave the doors locked with the key in and turned. I can’t afford to have the locks changed again. I have had a letter sent from a legal firm demanding return of the key (and the copy he will have had made) and asking that we arrange set and regular maintenance and payment for the children and offering mediation. If he refuses I know I have to go the police, but I am so scared of this. I have mental health problems and he says he will get the children taken off me. I spent (detail removed by moderator) sectioned this year and am trying so hard to get back on track and stable, but right now I just don’t think I can do it. I can’t see any way forward. My children are well supported through social services, and school support workers, but I have no family in the town I live, and no friends because he never allowed it. The children are the only people I actually see or speak to most days. I feel more alone and tired than I did when I first left. At this point I can’t see how I can go on. Or why I should. I apologise for rambling, I just needed to get it all out.

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

U r exactly u in the right place, us ladies try to support each another as much as possible. Firstly u said u have moved out so he has no right to get locks changed and then say will end u the bill, my ex used to take my key during contact with kids, horrified me how he did it, what i did was just change the barrel it works out cheaper. As for messing u about with kids contact, my ex did that too, i put in place contact would be on a set day and time, if he didnt turn up that was session missed till next week . I know u feel sacred to report him to police i was same withmy ex couldnt speak up against him, but in end u have to , to get the message clear to them. Dont feel scared and let him use your helth as an excuse. Is there any chance u coudl re-locate closer to your family, ihad to do this too to keep ex away. I would def report the photo inicdent to the police. Do u have a support worker

[LyriaTwilight]

Thank you for your words of advice. The letter I sent should arrive with him in the morning and I am terrified of what his reaction will be. I am keeping note of all the issues I have with him, and have screenshots etc. I was abused as a child and the man who did it lives in the (very small) town I grew up in, and I cannot handle living close to him. And the kids are settled in their schools here with their circles of friends, so moving is not really an option at the minute. I am just tired of feeling so on edge and scared all of the time. I can’t imagine things ever feeling easy again. I hope that one day I can get to a place where things are least more settled x

[Lisa]

Hi LyriaTwilight,

Welcome to the forum! I am so pleased that you have found the forum and have already had some great support and advice. Please do phone the Helpline to get some advice and support. You and your children have been through so much and you deserve to live a life free from abuse and the helpline can help you see your options to enable you to be safe.

We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[LyriaTwilight]

Thank you. He has been continuing to constantly message and call me. He has told me that when he raped me, it was something I had wanted and asked for and it was funny, despite the fact that I ended up with a black eye and external and internal bruising. He says because of my mental health issues that I just don’t remember things properly. He has let himself into my house again while I have been out and left ‘gifts’ for me to find, suggesting he wants me back. And he is still refusing to pay any money towards the children. I really don’t know what to think at the minute. I don’t know what he wants from me. I just know that all I want is to be left in peace x

[jsscollie]

Well done for joining the forum, it’s a big step forward to share how you feel. You’re stronger than you realise. One step at a time – you may not feel ready to talk to the police yet but if you call the helpline, they will be able to offer you advice on how to stay safe in the meantime. Big hugs xx

[LyriaTwilight]

Thank you. I hope that one day soon I may be strong enough to take the next steps. I think it may be the only way to keep myself sane – and safe – in the end. I will definitely try the help line. Just need to find the right words I think. Hugs to you too x

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