dont know where to start- Stockholm Syndrome ?

[mantra]

I cant believe I am doing this but I am in such a mess & deliberately driving those that care away from me to punish myself & because I find it difficult to believe them & need to test them.I feel like I am going mad,I cant expect anybody to believe me , I dont even believe myself.

[backtome]

You are in the right place if you need people to believe you hun. Post on here and also call the helpline if you can. I’m not sure what your specific circumstances are (I’m one of the lucky ones who gets away with it quite mildly) but everyone in the forum is here to support each other. x

[mantra]

thank you for answering me,it made me bawl my eyes out.

[Ayanna]

Welcome here!
Do you make excuses for your abuser?
Do you defend your abuser’s actions?
Then you have Stockholm Syndrome.
What you write in your post sounds as if you have been gaslighted really well.
It takes some time to believe yourself again.
Post here, it will help you to validate your thoughts and feelings. xx

[mantra]

yes I do, & I cant tell anyone that we both know or my young adult kids because I dont want to them to think badly of him. I went to counselling to get help because I was so confused after leaving ,after many years of leading a double life where I was terrified & desperately unhappy (any friend that suspected, I cut off ) & he asked if it was ok to write in my notes that I was ‘high risk’ as a result of psychological abuse. I was deeply shocked but (detail removed by moderator) weeks later feel even more that I am being dramatic,watched too many movies & am unhinged.

[backtome]

Are you still receiving your counselling? If not I’d maybe re-visit that. I also struggle with the thought that I’m “just being dramatic” as I’m told by all my friends and family that I am quite a dramatic person but I’ve described his behaviour over and over to all different people and they all say even though he’s doing it in a very subtle way, it IS ABUSE.

As Ayanna said, keep posting here, if only to get your thoughts out somewhere.

xx

[mantra]

I have only one more counselling session left out of the 6 I was allocated. People just dont understand it,it sounds crazy,he gave a sealed letter when I left smiling & telling me that I should open it in the future & I would see he was right & he knows exactly why I am doing this & it is all in the stars, he understands it,I am unstable, this is not me but I will understand, as he does, one day when I am better

[KIP.]

Hey there. I hid my husbands illegal dysfunctional abuse from our children for years. That is exactly what abusers want us to do. They thrive on our silence. There is a book called ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven. Also, please get in touch with your local women’s aid. They can explain the dynamics of abuse. There is nothing wrong with you apart from the trauma he has left you with.

[KIP.]

Google ‘trauma bonding’ x

[mantra]

thank you I will try to do that,it has taken me over a year to get this far after leaving

[mantra]

i thought face to face womens aid was just for refuge, will they see me ?

[mantra]

i looked up Trauma Bonding – sobbing again, he used to buy me presents & arrange suprises that if i refused he would go crazy but i didnt want any presents I jsut wanted to see my daughter that he had banned all contact with or mention of to me & my other 2 children. The presents were tiny bright moments when I thought maybe he was feeling better & we could talk about it but that was never the case.He told me everything he did was to protect us & for the good of the family & to trust him.

[Serenity]

When I first began posting here, I had to list his behaviours and ask people to verify that they constituted abuse.

I was so used to him denying it, blaming me, twisting reality and hiding it from public view that I felt I was going mad.

If it’s sending you mad, it’s a sure indication that you’re being gaslighted.

You’ve come to the right place for validation and support. We’ve all lived through such hell.

[KIP.]

Yes, they will see you. Ring your local women’s aid. There is usually a duty worker who can have a chat and there’s the helpline number on here who can point you in the right direction x refuge is separate. You don’t need to go into refuge to get the help you need x

[Author]

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