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    • #123750
      Sadandlost2020
      Participant

      Hi All, this is my first post, where start??? I’m now (detail removed by moderator)  I’ve been with my husband for (detail removed by moderaot) married for (detail removed by moderator) of them and we have a (detail removed by moderator) son together, at the beginning of our relationship I had lots of friends and an active social life, when I met him he didn’t really have any friends he’d come out of a long term relationship and began coming out drinking ect with my friendship group, we very quickly moved in together and that’s where things started to go wrong. He on many occasions after nights out became very violent with me and a couple of times he was arrested by the police and even went to court for violence (detail removed by moderator)  he’d never been in trouble before and was given a fine. My friends at the time all expressed how worried they were and some had even witnessed him attacking me, as time went on I distanced myself and stopped going out for fear of what would happen and to be honest I felt embarrassed because I’d always been a strong girl and never thought in a million years if tolerate this but I did. I fell pregnant in (detail removed by moderator) and the violence stopped and since then there have only been a few occasions. As soon as our son was born he changed with me he barely speaks to me, very moody and has a very short temper he has never bonded with our son and I’ve mostly felt like he was just My child. We got in to a huge amount of debt (detail removed by moderator) and had to enter a (detail removed by moderator) to sort it out I dealt with all of this on my own and eventually got is debt free and we kept our home, I thought things would improve but never have, we now haven’t slept together in nearly (detail removed by moderator)  he sleeps downstairs I’ve asked him to leave but he won’t and I now feel so desperate I don’t know where to turn, I have up my job (detail removed by moderator) ago to care for my Nanna she is now (detail removed by moderator)  so approaching end of life rapidly, I haven’t an income to leave and start a new life with my son and I just don’t know how much more I can take. If you’ve got to the end of this ramble of mine I thank you, this is the first time I’ve said this out loud and I feel totally ashamed of myself to be honest for letting my life spiral so far out of control.

    • #123754
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello and welcome. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Abuse is insidious and these men are experts at it. Please contact your local women’s aid. Tell your GP what is happening. Having the abuse noted with your GP is useful evidence if you need it in the future. Your local women’s aid can help with a refuge should you need it. A safe place. You can talk to them about a non molestation order to have him removed from the home. Speak to a solicitor. Most offer free legal advice. You can also talk to the domestic abuse police and ask them how they can help you remove this perpetrator from your home. Take a look at Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a woman so please don’t discuss this with him.

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