Doubting myself AGAIN!

[Discombobulated2022]

We split last year.
Somehow tried again. He’s not abusive to me anymore – or so I thought.
I’ve ended it again as he’s rough with our toddler. Told him it’s abuse.
He seems to be flitting between so many different behaviours: fake crying, nice, funny, shooting me daggers, constantly trying to talk about it in front of the kids even tho I say not to, making comments and digs in front of them, trying to have sex with me, blaming me, focusing on why I didn’t say anything sooner rather than focusing on why he did those things, not admitting things but not denying them either, saying he loves me, refusing to move out, saying I’m bullying him when I say I’ll get an occupation order.
He’s confusing me! Is this another form of abuse?
I just want him gone.

[Lisa]

Hello Discombobulated2022,

It’s good to hear that you are making steps to protect the children by recognising his abusive behaviour towards the children and ending things in order to keep you and them safe. It might be important to consider some professional support in regards to this. I imagine you have already spoken with your local support service, but if not you can find them here. You could also speak to your GP about what you’re going through.

What you’re describing is all psychologically abusive and controlling behaviour. I’m wondering if something like the Freedom Programme could be useful for you? Many women find it helpful in terms of developing the ability to recognise the abuse which can be a step to feeling more able to break away for good. You can click on ‘Find a Freedom Programme’ to join one in your local area: https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Discombobulated2022

It sounds like he has sensed a change in you and is reacting as abusers do…he is confusing you deliberately, he is abusing you with control, silent treatment, trying for sex… all of itnis designed to keep him there. If he loved you he wouldn’t be treating you and his children this way.
Him saying he loves you are words.. how is is showing his love?

My ex made traumatic stories up when I was where you are, he fake cried, he proclaimed his love, bought me gifts, promised me he would change, promised me anything so long as I remained with him… that made me realise that he didn’t love me, as if he did he would want me to be happy right? He knew I was miserable, he knew our children were affected but he would not go…

Womans aid can support you.and as Lisa has already mentioned The Freedom Programme is really helpful, have you been offered the course?

Big hugs ❤️ HFH

[Discombobulated2022]

Hi both,

Thank you so much for your time and comments. He leaves (detail removed by Moderator). I still find myself confused. But know it’s not ok. Trying to stay strong and focus on buying him out my house. Which smarts a bit I have to say xx

[Author]

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