Doubting myself – did he hit me?

[Starla]

I think my husband hit me (detail removed by moderator) but now I’m doubting myself. I know that sounds crazy but I doubt myself about everything these days after suffering emotional and psychological abuse for years. I’ve got a mark on the back of my leg where I think he hit me but it’s really small and I was wondering if maybe I made a mistake and I was actually bitten by an insect instead. He seemed completely stunned when I said he’d hit me and has acted totally normal since. Is it possible I could think I’d had a full hand slap when it’s just an insect bite?

I’m also wondering if he was just trying to do a regular tap on the bum to lighten the mood and break up the row we were having but I don’t tgink so because when I turned round he was muttering and swearing at me. I worry that I’m crazy and it’s all my fault.

I’m sorry this is so rambling. I’m in a bit of shock so not able to think clearly at the moment.

[backtome]

Why would you think he had hit you if he hadn’t? I don’t mean that to sound offensive, I mean, there’s a reason that you think he hit you – and that’s because he DID. Look up gaslighting, abusers often pretend like nothing happened as a way to make you feel like you’re going crazy. x

[KIP.]

Hi Starla, I know how you feel. The fact you were arguing is also a big factor. My ex was very good at just pretending nothing happened. It’s so confusing and makes us doubt our sanity. As the above post says, why would you even imagine it. Trust your gut. My ex deliberately ran over a pet cat. I mean he turned the wheel of the car changed direction across the road and killed it. I was hysterical and he turned to me and shouted it was an accident. I didn’t want to believe he was capable of such horror so I let my mind believe it was an accident. Our minds play tricks because the truth is too unbearable. Trust your gut. Has he hit you before?

[Poodlepower]

My partner would never, ever admit he’d hurt me. The most I ever got was “you were in the way and I was trying to get past”( after knocking me to the floor.) He told police that I mistook a kiss for a bite. I could go on and on describing incidents where he misrepresented or outright lied about things he did to hurt me. It really does make hot question your own memory, they are so convincing.

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