Down the rabbit hole of verbal abuse

[Caterpillarbutterfly]

Lately I do seem to have been thinking of him as my abuser, not my partner.

It has been quite bad recently.

I know it isn’t too bad compared to some people… he’s not usually hitting me, though the threat is there sadly… but the verbal abuse is so hard to cope with. There is a particular mental hell associated with being continually told that I am stupid, useless, everything that ever happens is all my fault, etc etc.

It’s affecting my child, who is showing signs of stress. He gets cross with child for being stressed. Doesn’t seem to make the connection between child’s stress and his anger. Blames me- regularly calls me mentally ill and says that I am passing it on to my child.

He ended up full-on *screaming* at me in the car (detail removed by Moderator) because the planned day out hadn’t worked out well (road closures, traffic). Trapped in a car is a bad place to be.

My career has suffered in the past in order to promote his, so I don’t really have my own life. I’m too old now to start all over again. (detail removed by Moderator).

(detail removed by Moderator)

Presumably there were forks in the road on the way to this destination, when I could have stopped this all happening to me, but right now there seems no way out and nothing to do but endure.

[minimeerkat]

i can only hope that writing down how you are feeling has helped in some small way
you know that there will be many women who are still going through something similar & feeling just as trapped & helpless. even women who are now out of their relationships will understand, remembering how worthless they were regularly made to feel
its completely understandable why you are feeling as low as you are, bless your heart
continue posting as much as you need to right now, especially if you do not have anyone to talk to. but if you did feel up to it at all, there is always the live chat on this website. and theres your local da service also
do not worry that contacting these people means you have to do anything at all because you dont – they will just listen & be there for you. so please dont ever feel alone
i am at an age where starting from scratch seemed impossible. and i had no support network whatsoever. but the fear & pain of breaking a trauma bond was much less than the fear & pain of staying put
freedom will always be there for us whatever our ages
stay strong. thinking of you x

[swanlake]

I really empathise with being trapped in a car with someone.
My abuser got his tentacles round me when I was very young and had no previous relationship experience. Like minimeerkat, I feared ending the relationship but the pain of continuing it must have eventually surpassed that fear.
So I started again decades later with only abusive past experiences and tentatively tried new hobbies, mental health groups, volunteering etc. I would still say that the horror of the abusive relationship outweighs every other experience.

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