9th August 2019 at 1:13 pm #85380Lola1xxParticipant
Hi i dont know whete to start
I am a young female. I thought i met the perfect man i was so wrong. I cannot put it into writting everything he has done. From hair pulling to spitting in my face to cracking my rib to cutting of my friends my family my social life. Being told it is me. I am crazy i need help i cause this i have an attitude. Being told i cannot be trusted so he isnt letting me out until i can. Being stuck to his side. I have no one anymore. He goes through my phone. Smells my underwear and bed sheets if he isnt by my side at any point during the day. He has actually forced me to let him check my vagina a number of times. He has strangled me and accusrd me of cheating when i dont want to have sex with him he calls me fat useless worthless pathetic mental messed up almost everyday. Im the reason apprently my mum is ill. Everybody dislikes me. He made me who i am etc. Im watching all my friends partying and living life knowing i cant because its to much drama for me. I am just on the edge. I have no fight nobody wants to hear anymkre because i havent left him everyone is fed up. This morning i asked him to wipe the toilet seat after he used it. He started in the car screaming, spitting and chucked me out into the pouring down rain at 7am on my way to work. I had to walk home soaking. I dread to think about today. Will i get the silent treatment. Will i get the blame? Im sick of having to accept that i am in the wrong for things i know i am not. I have just had enough. I have no family no friends nobody just him and our dogs. I dont wear makeup anymore i do not go out i dress in baggy clothes im forced to have sex i have no social media. And even then i am still in the wrong. Please tell me there is somebody here who understands this. After all he is doing i know is wrong. I have no strength to get rid of him or even try to i am just so numb
9th August 2019 at 1:17 pm #85381KIP.Participant
Hey Lola, just to let you know I know how you feel. It is absolutely draining trying to deal with abuse. Keep reaching out for help. Can you ring the helpline number on here and talk it through. Or keep posting for support x I was once totally drained beyond action but I still found my escape. Sending you a hug 🤗
9th August 2019 at 1:18 pm #85382EbonyRavenParticipant
Hi and welcome. I remember that feeling. So exhausted by it all and not really knowing what to do.
Try (detail removed by moderator) calling the Women’s Aid line. They’ll help you sort through the feelings.
Keep posting, we know what you are going through and are here to support.
9th August 2019 at 1:24 pm #85383Lola1xxParticipant
I feel so silly ringing the lines because i just feel like im wasting time, in reality i dont have the strength or anything left in me to leave him. I am just at a point where i just wish i could sleep all day x
9th August 2019 at 2:06 pm #85388KIP.Participant
The trauma of being abused is draining and leaves us totally exhausted. It’s not silly to speak to someone about what you’re going through. There is lots of help out there. They won’t force you to do anything but you need to know what you’re dealing with so you can make some informed decisions. You’re trapped in a fog of Fear Obligation and Guilt. Abusers are good manipulators. Knowledge is Power. Find out what kind of a monster you’re dealing with. Gain knowledge of how to escape. Get a plan in place baby step by baby step x we are all here to support you on your journey to freedom x
11th August 2019 at 2:49 am #85486EbonyRavenParticipant
You are absolutely not wasting their time. They will not judge you or refuse to help you if you tell them you don’t know if you have the strength to leave. They will ‘though help you to find that inner strength.
I promise you it is there and I guarantee that it builds upon even the tiniest atom of itself once you are away.
When you have escaped you will have the peaceful luxury of sleeping in safety, you will get proper, healing rest.
I understand that it feels hopeless, but hope springs anew from the tiniest ember, and soon enough after you are away from under his oppression, once you are free of the cage of him, you can begin to hope again for the ‘ordinary’ things of life instead of for not being beaten and hurt.
12th August 2019 at 10:55 am #85542imsosadParticipant
hi sweetheart. i am so welled up with tears reading your post. you are so not to blame for any of this vile wicked abuse. you have done so well reaching out on here. please find the strength to get away from this person i cant call him a man because he is no. it is draining soul destroying but you are worth so much more. we have all been were you are and this forum is a life saver. please find the strength to get out you will never look back i promise big hugs xx
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