Dreading Christmas

[Buddy]

Just reaching out as feeling low . Silent treatment for (detail removed by Moderator) now .. he has stated that this is how it is going to be .
Horrific living like this in the same house .. how on earth am I going to cope for Christmas ?
He doesn’t even look at me when we pass each other .. surely he is finding it hard work doing this .
Any coping strategies ?
I spoke to my son again (detail removed by Moderator) and he got upset .. he said to me , at least he doesn’t hit you Mam 😬 I explained there are other types of abuse and he knew this as he named them . He did sAy to me also , that I can wind my husband up in arguments , instead of just dropping it . Which could be driving him to throw things .. what can I say to him when he says this ?

[KIP.]

You tell him that you are not to blame for his fathers violent behaviour.

[KIP.]

Your son is learning coercive control. Don’t step out of line and you won’t be hurt.

You have the right to live free from abuse.
You have the right to feel safe in your own home.

Your abuser thrives on this behaviour. It empowers him. He’s like a pig in muck. The only way it will stop is with zero contact. Christmas is horrendous in an abusive relationship. Just keep thinking about freedom for you and your children x

[Buddy]

I have spoken to my son again and he understands .
I just said to him that (detail removed by Moderator) , he said (detail removed by Moderator) I said s(detail removed by Moderator) He replied (detail removed by Moderator) I said (detail removed by Moderator) He said (detail removed by Moderator).
I told him he needs to leave , he used the money situation again , I said (detail removed by Moderator)
He said (detail removed by Moderator) , I said (detail removed by Moderator) he said (detail removed by Moderator)
Everything is my fault .. do men tend to push things onto be the woman’s fault in general ?
My head is spinning !!
He said then fine , I will look in next couple of weeks at property , something tells me he is calling my bluff .. I honestly can’t see him going !!

[Buddy]

Also , he took it a step further didn’t he with sleeping on sofa and putting tv in other room .. so saying I am ignoring him also is really wrong

[Scapegoat]

Completely sympathise with you Buddy, my marriage sounds v similar except I am constantly accused of things on a daily basis where everything is my fault. To make matters worse I am (detail removed by Moderator) in a (detail removed by Moderator) time and then to top it off on (detail removed by Moderator) as I was leaving for work my employer told me I can’t go back in for a month because I’m in the extremely vulnerable for COVID so with no prior notice was told I have to (detail removed by Moderator) live online all day instead from home. Which as you can imagine is my worst nightmare as he is at home as not worked since (detail removed by Moderator) ( does that regularly not down to COVID).
I have tried to reason to be told I’m a w****, thief, liar, n********t, s***, dumb f***, cheat, two timing blah blah blah. If I get through the next 3 weeks without having a nervous breakdown it will be a miracle. I am sick of the digs about anything from going to the toilet at night, to pulling a blind down, to being on Teams, to getting something out of the car, etc. I daren’t move now and am a nervous wreck.
Your husband will happily blame as mine will me, they have no conscience, are always right and it’s pointless trying to reason with them as I’ve found out to my own detriment. If I try and point the finger he flies into a violent rage, pointing shoving and spitting like a venomous snake. He won’t budge just tells me to get the f*** out on a regular basis. Sadly I’ve allowed myself to be dragged into his sad games and don’t even know myself anymore. Hope you manage to keep safe, take care❤️

[KIP.]

It’s all gaslighting and blaming. He’s going nowhere. If he was leaving he could rent a room from someone tomorrow.

[Author]

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