Dreading the weekend

[Hetty]

Anyone else living in an abusive relationship while making plans to leave?
I dread coming home from work and the weekends. I won’t know what might set him off but I know for sure he’ll find something. I’m either completely ignored, accused of putting on a front of being nice if I try to keep the house calm, or I haven’t done this or that. Sometimes he’ll try to pick at my son and when I intervene he’ll go mad at me. So I find myself sitting waiting and wondering when the explosion will come. If I make plans to go out with friends and my son to keep away I’ll be accused of leaving him, not considering his needs, told how lonely and depressed he is. I can’t win.
It’s complete torture.

[Mommabear]

Hi Hetty,

This is exactly how I feel. I get a sinking feeling every Friday and never ever get the Monday morning blues because I know that he will be at work most of the week.

What you have described is the exact mirror of my life…..I, I, I, I…..

Have you spoken to Womens aid? They have been brilliant for me and I am very close to getting my husband to leave.

It’s a long prrocess but there are lots of people out there to help you

Mommabear x

[Hetty]

Thanks for reply. I’ve just come out of an appt. They were fantastic. I’m putting plans in place. Just got to get through another weekend of torture.

[KIP.]

Can you make plans to go somewhere or feign an illness for some peace x

[Hetty]

I can lie low on Sunday. He’s started again (detail removed by moderator). Gaslighting me. Saying it’s all me, calling me vile names, saying I’m the reason my ex has problems, saying I play the victim. He’s becoming paranoid

[KIP.]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I remember exactly what you’re saying. He used to follow me from room to room, venting and dumping his c**p on me. Getting more and more irrational. I gave up replying all together because nothing works, I used to put my fingers in my ears. It’s incredibly damaging. Imagine we all carry buckets. He dumps all his stinking c**p in your bucket so his bucket is clean and empty and smells fresh while we drag around a stinking bucket of their c**p. Imagine putting that c**p back in his bucket. Abuse always gets worse. Nothing you do will help. They just change the goal posts. Just don’t believe a delusional word he says x

[Hetty]

Thank you so much for your reply. It kept me strong last night as I was lying in bed with cortisol surging through me. I just kept thinking this is I’m his c**p not mine. I still feel bad that he has provided a lovely home for us, keeps it maintained but have to remind myself while it’s picture perfect from the outside there’s nothing but unhappiness underneath. After all the name calling, insults, shouting and abuse not just to me I STILL feel sorry for him, wish he would change so we could be a happy family. It’s such a bizarre and surreal place to exist.

[Eunice Annie]

Yep, dreading the coming (detail removed by moderator). Struggling to make my escape plan & pay removals etc without him knowing & finding out I am going by seeing bank transactions that will give me away. Also I just realised that escape day is set to be my grown up (detail removed by moderator). To save her day would mean waiting another whole torturous (detail removed by moderator). Can’t decide but am inclined to sooner rather than later. I’m hoping to “Sneak out the back Jack”. No discussions, we’ve said it all before, over & over. Times up.

 

[Hetty]

Don’t stay a moment longer than you have to. Hopefully your daughter will understand. Save yourself

[Author]

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