7th October 2020 at 4:08 pm #114817Random.Participant
It’s been a while since I last posted on here.
ALOT’s been happening & although since leaving I have days where I don’t even think of him, although the after effects of teh abuse are still ever present & always will be.
However I’ve been getting more days lately where my every day is still consumed by the thought of him & the longing for him is starting to come back..
(detail removed by moderator)
Ofcourse there was no accountability taken & now (detail removed by moderator).
I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t feel strong enough I know I’m just going to break down.
I’m angry (detail removed by moderator)
It sounds so wrong.
I’m petrified but & almost second guessing myself & the decisions I’ve made, now I feel I can’t make decisions about anything at the minute.
I just don’t know what to expect (detail removed by moderator), I think I’ll just melt & my heart will ache to have him back..
9th October 2020 at 5:34 pm #114946LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to offer you some support with what you’re going through at the moment.
Leaving an abusive relationship can sometimes feel like we are mourning the person we first met, or the person you wish your abuser was (the person they were during the ‘good’ times maybe). We sometimes even start to wonder if it’s possible that they have changed since we left. It’s normal to feel this way and it will take a long time for those feelings to fade.
I wonder if it might be helpful to remind yourself of the reasons why you left? Did you ever make a journal or write down the abusive incidents, or some of the events before you left?
The fact that you now have days where you don’t think of him at all is a huge achievement and something to really feel proud of. Have you noticed any triggers or situations that remind you of him, or make you feel drawn back to the relationship? If so, it could be helpful to develop ways to avoid these situations, or to create strategies to manage this. Even writing down on a piece of paper what you want to say to him and tearing it up could be quite comforting.
Take care of yourself and keep posting.
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