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I keep dreaming about him and I feel so much love for him in my dreams hen I wake and reality hits again and that awful pain comes back. Had a horrible weekend but yest I started to feel loads better but now I’ve woken up feeling awful again. I often think I should of just stayed with him, when will this pain go????
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Oh whenwillifindhappiness,
I can relate to this. I split with my ex after making a rational decision last year but then I had awful dreams where he was lovely and I needed to find him and couldn’t. As a result of the dreams we got back together and he started being abusive after only a few days. So my dreams were very rose tinted, more of a representation of the man who i had originally thought that I had met (a nice guy). I think they get into your subconscious xx hugs xx
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Yes, I had some dreams of him, where he was nice and kind and attentive- all the things he pretended to be at the start, but was the opposite of in real life.
The him you dreamt of was the man you hoped he would be, yearned him to be. But he was born nastier than this.
The fact you have such powerful and emotional dreams shows that you are a person with a full range of emotions – unlike our abusers, who don’t have the full range, only jealousy and anger- and you have what it takes you live a healthy, normal and happy life eventually, surrounded by those who deserve your company and your attention! x
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Hi Hun
The seperation does hurt but is all part of the process of recovering, i had to remind myself daily why i left, do the same it does wonders and is a real reality wake up , u deserve to be with some one who respects u, the dreaming is just a dream of who we wish they could of been and what attracted us to them, reality is they cant be like that all the time
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I think it makes sense that in your dreams you were searching for him because your mind is still trying to process and understand how he seemed so great at the beginning but then turned into a different person over time and is desperately wanting that nice guy to still exist because it’s incredibly painful to accept that he doesn’t. These abusers create cognitive dissonance in our minds – where we hold two conflicting thoughts about who they are. When we’re in the relationship we’re mostly confused and in denial/hope they are good deep down until the reality that they are abusers dawns on us.
What helped me was to type up (or write down) every abusive thing he did to me in a clear list so that when my brain is confused I have all the evidence before me so that I don’t start getting brainwashed into thinking he’s the nice guy I met at the beginning, who never actually existed.
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Thank you ladies!!! I think it dosent help that he’s got a girlfriend already and it’s only been weeks. We have a son together and I’m also 6 months pregnant. At the moment I’m thinking about him 24/7 I miss him I want him etc I do have to really try to remember the bad and the reason he is a ex. I just feel my life is on pause and can’t actually move on till baby born. The thought of them 2 together makes me so anxious and unwell. Sleeping I look forward to cos it’s where I forget but now I’m dreaming of him. I really am sick of it all
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