Drowning

[Ijustwanttobefree]

I am having a bad day, the same things I have posted on here before and creeping up again at knocking me for six and I am wondering how other people cope with this and learn to get over it. He doesn’t see the kids, despite me making numerous offers of contact through a lawyer (as we do not have each other’s telephone numbers) he is dragging it out and refusing to answer. Yet he tells me through emails, it is my fault, I am vindictive for telling people about the abuse and the extent of it, I am confrontational. It is almost like he doesn’t even realise what he done to me FOR YEARS, I know he will never acknowledge it but how can he think it wasn’t as bad or didn’t happen at all. This is what is holding me back, he is trying to make me feel like I am crazy, I am vindictive, I am confrontational and he tries to convince others of that too. I feel trapped in my own mind. Most of the time I am okay, but it actually riles me that he still has some sort of effect over me, is it going to be like this forever? I feel like I am drowning and I can’t breathe.

[KIP.]

Never ever believe a word he says to you. They are liars and manipulators and never accept guilt. The best thing to do is zero contact. Any contact brings manipulation. If he can still contact you through email then block or change your address. Any communication can be done through solicitors and only about children or specific matters relating to divorce or separation. Take back control and block and refuse contact. Abusers want to blame us and rant at us and dump guilt and blame on us. When they manage this it means they don’t have to accept guilt because we carry it for them x

[Ijustwanttobefree]

How do I stop being angry though Kip 🙁 He is dragging things out with the lawyers when it could have been sorted a long time ago and I know it is because he wants to punish me for getting them involved. I feel like it is me contacting him asking what is happening with the children. I know people say get on with it but I am on my own and have anxiety and depression as a result of this toxic situation. I feel like I resent him because I am left to deal with everything while he swans about with not a care in the world. He keeps saying I am vindictive, I feel like I can tell whoever I want the extent of what happened because it happened to me. This is ruining my life and I never see a way out. Why do I feel like I need him 🙁

[enofadov]

Ijustwanttobefree I could have written a lot of this myself tonight.
I feel like I’m running through sand, just with nowhere to go. Mine has been ordered supervised visits with kids but is now saying this the first he’s heard of my accusations.
Why when I finally have people saying I’m right and they believe me am I still doubting it all was real and not just me making it up?

The guilt is insane and I can just never see me being free?

[Author]

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