Early days

[Socksforwashing]

Hi everyone,

I left my partner of (detail removed by Moderator) years (detail removed by Moderator). It’s so raw. My kids are broken and begging to go home. He is begging me to go home, my family are furious at me for thinking of going back. I’ve got a house to move into but (detail removed by Moderator) broken so having to stay at my (detail removed by Moderator).

I’m just so broken, I don’t know which way to turn.

[Hetty]

Wow. How brave you have been to get out. This is the hardest part. It’ll feel very surreal. I remember feeling like a nuclear bomb had just gone off in my life the days after I first left. There was so much to sort out and I was basically running on adrenaline. There sounds like a lot for you to deal with too in terms of managing your children’s emotions too. If you can block your ex or at least don’t read or respond to messages or take calls. He’ll mess with your head and especially when you’re vulnerable. Focus on small steps, things you need to do each day. Try not to overwhelm yourself with anything other than one day at a time. You’ll find yourself and your children slowly starting to process and when you gain strength bigger things can be tackled. Like I had bills to sort, address changes etc but I just did what I could manage and waited for my emotions to settle before tackling other matters like the banking issues etc.
Take care of yourself as best you can. Keep focused in your mind all of the reasons you’ve left. I wrote lists to keep me focused. Really take notice on the small positives you have right now. For me, I started to take naps. Something that wasn’t allowed when living with my ex. It’s going to feel very strange for you after so so long in the relationship. It’s ok to feel how you feel. I went from elated, to sad, to angry, scared, exhausted and then back to elated. You can do this. ❤️

[Neueranfang]

Wow you are amazing.My partner/Ex partner finally moved out (detail removed by Moderator) after a hopefully final attack and me begging him for weeks/months to go as it is my flat.I’ve been with him for (detail removed by Moderator) and our children are primary school aged.I don’t know how I feel at the moment.I’m exhausted and drained.Luckily I am off work for (detail removed by Moderator) as I’m finding it hard to focus at the moment.You have been in an abusive relationship for a very long time.You have to stay strong and start healing.At the moment I’m not convinced I can ever heal but I know I don’t want him back.I have been preparing my children for this for quite a while and they are still young.I explained to them that daddy is not right in his head and that he needs help and he needs to move out.There will be times when they miss him and when they are hurting but growing up witnessing domestic abuse is so much worse.I witnessed my father abusing my mother as a child and it will always stay with me.Flashbacks of the abuse and the police being called and my grandad coming to save us.It was awful.I must have been around (detail removed by Moderator) years old.Luckily my mum divorced my dad but he would still try and contact us or try to break in our home which was even scarier.Eventually he left us alone and then he died.I would have never thought I will be in an abusive relationship one day but here I am telling you I left my abusive partner of (detail removed by Moderator) years and all my family are abroad and haven’t got a clue what has been going on as I am too ashamed and embarrassed to admit I ended up with a monster who isolated me from the world around us.I was the perfect victim with no family to support me here but not no more.

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