Effects on my life

[onceuponadream]

I left my partner about (detail removed by moderator) months ago and have only just started my journey of accepting what I went through was abuse. After the high of leaving i’m getting lots of anxiety/on edge feelings, at work and sometimes I struggle to find the motivation to leave the house or I have to really psyc myself up. I struggle to find the motivation to do things i’m interested in, I find I end up sitting there looking at tasks not doing them or falling asleep and more concerning is i’m struggling to do my job. I can do the main day to day duties but the more in depth stuff, projects and public speaking …I just don’t feel like i’m good enough. I want to crawl into a hole and focus on myself… It’s like i don’t know who I am anymore and when at work this is amplified as I have to put on a smiley face and keep going. My motivation isn’t there and I find myself slacking or avoiding certain tasks.
One of my big problems is brain fog I just can’t overcome it, then i’m in a cycle of I’m useless I cant do this which adds to my anxiety. I have a meeting with occupational health but i’m scared to tell them Ahhhh!
Before leaving my partner I felt i was drowning, then after I left I felt I could swim and was doing so well…now I feel like i’m being pulled back under by the current and i’m only just staying afloat.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and welcome to the forum💞 it sounds as if your brain is beginning to realise you’re no longer in survival mode and as such the feelings you are feeling now are beginning to surface. I’ve gone through those feelings in the early days of realising my oh is abusive, and I’m getting away so soon now. Somehow you’ve managed to get away first, lived on adrenaline, and now your body is feeling safer to face up to what you’ve came through. So massive well done in getting this far. I don’t think you’ve had time to sit still and think and that’s fine too. Because when you sit still your mind starts to wander, and you’ll start remembering things you might not want to. But the brain will only do things it knows we can cope with. It might not seem so at the time, or right now but you can get through this part of the journey. There are a few employers who are recognising DA and as such are allowing their employees an extra 10days paid leave. It might not seem a lot of time, but it takes the pressure of worrying about not going to work to go and see a doctor or councillor. Yours might be one of them. It’s good that your company has its own OH department. Let them know what you’ve been going through, you don’t need to go into massive detail if you dont want to or can’t, but it might surprise you that people around you might already know and have just been waiting for you to open up. You’re in control of what happens now, you’re away from your ex. It takes time to open up, to trust people. Again well done in getting this far, it’s testimony to how strong you are holding down what sounds like a demanding career.
Best wishes IWMB 💞😌

[HopeLifeJoy]

HI onceuponadream, I like your name, it’s dreamy 😃 have you gone to see your gp for your anxiety? I would suggest to do that, there are medicines if you are open to that and plenty of sleep is helping beyond anything, at least 9 hours when I was working (shortly) after the abusecheck with your gp first, get more sleep, reduce working schedule if you are allowed, read your companies HR policies about taking a leave of absence for awhile ( you can have yourself write off for a burn out for a few weeks…for example), it gives you a few weeks off. Inform yourself well and then take lots of rest.

[Author]

Posts