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    • #134978

      Hi I’m new to these forums, and I’ve explained my most recent abuse in the new forum if anyone can give me any advice. After reading a lot of other people’s stories I have realised how much I have kept hidden and buried from others. I’m only just realising fully now (detail removed by Moderator) years on the amount of abuse I tolerated. Ian not sure if this is the correct forum to post in but hope it ok for me to list the things that have been said to me over the years. I’m interested to see what others have been told too as Seems to be the case with emotional/narcissistic abuse they all appear to follow similar patterns. So her goes I’ve been called: crazy, cuckoo, told I’m imagining things, that never happened, poison, brainwashing my kids, child abuser, accused of drawing up on Xmas day for my brother in law, accused of cheating when I changed my bed sheeets, been accused of cheating when meeeting a female friend (detail removed by Moderator) and told she could be a lesbian for all her knows, being accused of something going on with his dad when my daughter wss in hospital and his dad (my daughters grandad) had asked if he should call me, when I was speaking nice to waiters in a restaurant I was flirting, sat in my chair on a night out and (detail removed by Moderator) next to a man and he went crazy sayijg I was dancing with him, he feels sorry for my children, I’m putting things in their head, being told no one will ever want me except for one thing, finished numerous times because I couldn’t ‘behave’ or I had no class, huffs over sex, once I fell asleep after a night out and he went crazy trying to wake me and slept downstairs as I don’t want to have sex, being told that I had to have sex a minimum of (detail removed by Moderator) times a week to keep him and make him happy. I am sure their is lots more which I have blocked out it’s actually horrific reading all this back and wondering why I never got out sooner. He always used to say he hasn’t done anything wrong as he has ‘never laid a finger on me’ so that made it all ok! Anyway I hope this post is allowed I have never spoke as openly about it all until now I’m hoping it will help me heal.

    • #134979

      That should have read *dressing up not drawing up

    • #135001

      Well done for getting it out, it’s cathartic to let it out, my therapist said that the more you talk the more you let it out the better. But ofcourse in everyday life that’s hard as abuse is so complicated its hard for people to understand. I love the forum and have read so much and am on here all the time as we can learn so much from each other and we all share similar experiences, someone’s experience will help jolt you to realize something that you never even realized before was abuse!
      Glad you are out, I am also out now.
      Lots of similar things, particularly, if i ever brought anything up he would tell me: ‘ I have never hit you’ or ‘other men hit their women’. Like he is such a good man because of this!
      It’s really unbelievable how similar they all are.

    • #135024

      Sounds awful what you have experienced.

      Eyes is right, sometimes difficult to talk to some people. I’ve sometimes misjudged and told someone and had that ‘jaw drop’ response – when I’ve answered that question as to how I came to this town.

      Getting the ‘jaw drop’ can be very alienating I feel as it makes you feel like you are just that, an alien. Whereas I and others on here just aim for acceptance as it is a part of our lives, our history. Yes, it is awful, but it happened and if we are to carry on, we need to process as the therapist said. Sometimes that feels like three steps forward two steps back…but at least that is one step forward…

      Whereas on here noone ‘jaw drops’ as we all understand that d.a. and emotional abuse can take so many different forms. Deep down we are ALL also incredibly brave to be even writing on here I feel, processign our stuff.

      I’ve having a day decluttering, some kind of attempt to deal with emotions as well, the ones that no longer serve me.

      I take heart from the fact that so many things have been named now. When I expereinced the worst of it I did not have this forum, and had never even heard the term coervice control.

      It is the threat of violence in emotional abuse is one of the things that makes it so bad. It is evil that someone uses that to control another person.

      These days without becoming too bibilical about it, I think I see the world as a struggle between good and evil. There is lots of good on here.

    • #135025

      Asking for advice?

      Mine would be ‘deal with one bit at a time’ and try not to overload yourself.

      be aware that other bits might crop up.

      Also, be very mindful of only sharing what you feel able to share.

      With not many people trained in trauma informed ways, some advisers and listeners stumble along with good intent but inadvertently reawaken trauma that the person is not ready to deal with…

      And most importantly be kind to yourself. It can be very hard, recovery. And the day to day everyday things might feel like wading through treacle.

      IF you can get three things done in a day you are doing well.

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