Emotional Abuse

[strawberryshortcake]

Hi everyone. I wrote a very long post earlier. When it didn’t appear on the board I thought maybe it had to be checked by a moderator before it was posted, considering it was my first post. However, it seems it’s lost. Took me ages to muster up the strength to write it all out. Can’t do it again.
Anyway…..I’m here, really struggling with emotionally abusive ex partner who is trying everything he can into terrifying me to get back with him. Threatening to take me son off me. (detail removed by Moderator) so I’m worried he may be able to do this. He’s completely messed with my head. I’m worn down. Love my son, he’s so vital to me, I adore him. Terrified of losing him.

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome, post again when you have the energy. I would ring the helpline number on here and find your local women’s aid. My ex used to threaten to take my son. It seems a very popular threat with abusers. He never did. They just use what they can to get their own way. Can you block his calls and texts meantime. Abusers use mind games and manipulation so no contact means no head messing. Meantime keep any abusive texts or emails as evidence of his behaviour. You will need help to get him out your life. Have you spoken to a solicitor? Get some free legal advice before getting yourself upset. My ex told me all sorts of lies. That’s what they do. Don’t believe a word he tells you ❤️

[strawberryshortcake]

Thank you, Kip. Gosh, made me well up! I’m so done in. I’ve blocked him on everything now but email as I can’t block those. I’m just so scared of him. Everyone thinks he’s such a wonderful man. I did too, that’s how I fell in love with him but he’s turned out to be a complete wrecking ball. Destroying me, taking ownership of me…..no one that knows me and him will believe me. Women love him, he’s handsome and a total charmer. He’s horrible 🙁 I have spoken with Women’s aid, they were really supportive and made me feel a bit more like the old lioness I used to be. They told me about the forum. I’ve recently contacted CSA I’m so scared as he will ramp up his threats of taking my son, he will be furious when he gets the letter. I’m shaking. He was taking my son this morning apparently, although he never turned up for the actual kidnap 🙄

[KIP.]

My ex was charming and charismatic until,the door to our house was shut. I recorded my ex assaulting me and he was arrested. Remember these men know our biggest fears, because we told them when we trusted them. So they have the ammunition to hurt us. Using the children is very popular. No contact is a life saver. Can he email a third party like your mum to make arrangements for your son. If he can’t contact you directly, he won’t be able to manipulate you. Cut contact down to the very minimum.

[KIP.]

I forgot to say you can get advice from the police. Ask for domestic violence unit. Tell them you are scared. If you get evidence, you can get a non molestation order to keep him away. This is done in civil court. These men are most dangerous when we are trying to get away. What kind of man uses threats to keep a woman. Total dysfunction.

[strawberryshortcake]

Yes, you’re right about contact and it’s stripped as much as I can. I informed him if he was abusive again that he would have to communicate via a third party and of course….he was. So now I will have to send emails straight to trash without reading. I just need to get advice on what happens next now. I have no family. And yeah, I totally regret the day I told him my biggest fear and that uneasy feeling I had when he said he didn’t have any fears X

[strawberryshortcake]

I’m worried about contacting the police because of the nature of his work and the serious consequences it would have for him but I think it may get to the point where I have no choice. Also adviser on phone (WA) said if it went to court I have to be aware he may get 50 percent access. I couldn’t cope with that….he would damage our child 😪

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Groundedswift, My ex found out my vulnerabilities, fears and then secrets when I opened up and trusted him, in the guise of being a loving & interested partner. He then used these to terrorize me. I split from him (detail removed by moderator) months ago and I am getting my confidence back, but when I was with him i was so mentally unstable due to his actions towards me. Prior to meeting him I considered myself a strong and independent woman. He wrecked the core basis of my self worth and had me questioning my sanity. There is so much help available on this forum, this forum got me my life back. Please do take some time to look at the following links, posts, websites, books etc:

Threads to search for on here:

Can anybody give any examples of Gas Lighting?
Plausibile Deniablity
Intermittent Reinforcement
Silent Treatment
Its not right to walk on egg shells or feel anxious all of the time
I miss him so much

Books to read: (all of the following are immediatly available & free to read on Amazon: 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships; All books by HG Tudor

Invisible Chains
Why does he do that?
All books by Zari Ballard

Websites: Melania Tonia Evans
Traumatic Bonding
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative N*********s, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You

Forum Group to join: Coercive Control

[KIP.]

Don’t worry about the effect on him and his job. That could work in your favour if you have evidence of abuse. Don’t trash the emails. Put them in a separate file without reading but keep them. They may be good evidence for later. Record any abuse if you can using your mobile if it’s safe to do so. Involving the police may help you too if it goes to court. You can speak to a domestic abuse officer anonymously. Get in touch with your local women’s aid and ring rights for women. The more you know the truth about your rights the better. My ex threatened for years to take my son. Empty threats designed to control. These men are cowards with underlying insecurities. Read about how abusers work. Lundy Bancroft “why does he do that”. Pat Craven ‘Living with the Dominator’. Stay strong. Abusers isolate us from friends and family. Stay strong. Abuse only gets worse. I hope you are somewhere safe ❤️

[strawberryshortcake]

Thank you both, I really appreciate your support. He tried to force me to abort my baby (his son). You may think this wouldn’t be possible but the lengths he went to were pretty shocking. Constant emotional abuse, blackmail, stalking. I’m so glad I was strong. I had my son, thought he would back off but now he uses my son. How would I find a domestic violence officer? I am safe. He cannot access where I live, although he knows where I am and all my neighbours are aware of him so they won’t let him in either (it’s an internal secure door system). I shall move the emails from trash to a safer folder. I have downloaded early texts and emails but need to back it all up again. Thank you both so much. ❤️

[Author]

Posts