Emotional Abuse

[WigglePurp]

I can’t put into words how this is making me feel. I’m on the sofa tonight after I came home he was running a bath, I asked to use the toilet but I know he hates it when he’s running a bath (detail removed by Moderator) so he called me a word and told me to hurry up, I asked him a question about the kitchen and he gave me a vague answer like he didn’t want to speak to me, I went downstairs to wait for the bathroom, he goes straight to bed. I went up to say are you not watching tv he says no I’m going to sleep. He doesn’t care about me at all I feel so neglected. I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship. (detail removed by Moderator) there was a program on tv about my area of work I said this is what I work with and he said shush so I said he was rude and he told me he doesn’t want to hear about my s****y work and he doesn’t care it’s all I talk about. Every night this week he’s bitten my head off, I try and tell him he’s wrong but he shouts at me over and over to F off and shut up. I can’t cope with it anymore but I don’t want to leave either my head is so messed up I don’t even like him he doesn’t care for me or how he makes me feel every time he flips over me saying the wrong thing like asking who a character is on the tv. Why has this situation come to me ☹️ I can’t talk to anyone and I’m on medication for my anxiety as every night my heart races, I think because being in bed next to him is the closest I get to him and he easily flips and i hate going to bed upset and lying next to him not caring if I’m crying and not letting me speak by shouting shut the f up over every word I try to get out. I feel the need to scream so much but it’s like I can’t. Sorry for the ramble.

[KIP.]

Hello, yes it’s emotional abuse and it’s making you mentally ill. Perhaps you could ring the helpline number on here. Get in touch with your local women’s aid. Google ‘trauma bonding’ and there is a good book called ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven. Abuse always gets worse. You deserve better X

[equinoxal]

I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with that, he definitely sounds abusive. You deserve someone who respects and cares for you. It’s hard, but you can do so much better- I think you need to seek advice and start making plans to leave him. To add to the reading recommendations I would say Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is really helpful and insightful. Best wishes xx

[Lisa]

Hi Wigglepurp,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a helpful place to be. I’m sorry to read what you’re going through. Your partner’s behaviour is completely unacceptable and is abusive, and it sounds like it’s having a very negative effect on you, which is completely understandable.

We all understand that it can be very overwhelming to talk about this, and it is normal to feel confused and unsure what to do. Take your time, and please remember there’s lots of good support available.

Please consider calling the helpline on 0808 2000 247 to speak with a female support worker in confidence. You can read more about the helpline here.
Keep posting on here when you are able to, talking things through with other women who understand can really help.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[hoodwinked]

Hi WigglePurp
Welcome, you have made the first step and my heart goes out to you. Yes it is most definitely abuse. I am (detail removed by Moderator) out of my emotional abuse. Looking back I have been emotionally abused for many years, but they are so clever aren’t they, they make it that it is your fault. I couldn’t talk to my ex especially in the last 6 months before he left….he would just though the comment back at me….so if I asked “what do you want out of our marriage” he would angrily shout back “WHAT DO YOU WANT”.
The emotional abuse was really bad for 2 years and especially so for the last 6 months, I lost my sense of self, I felt as though he was rubbing me out slowly, I lost all rational sense and clarity of mind. For the first time ever I self harmed and didn’t want to live. It is like above trauma bonding, gas lighting, you do not recognise what is happening.
I gave him the ultimatum to choose his obsessive unhealthy abusive life style or me and the family and he chose his obsessive life style. That in itself I cannot describe what the last (detail removed by Moderator) have been like it is the most horrific experience.
It was this website and a support worker from Women’s aid that were my life saver, I read everything I could, and now recognise that my ex was/is a n**********c personality. He still does not take any ownership, he has had nil care for me as a human being never mind a wife for (detail removed by Moderator) years.
Dare I say it the good news is I have better days now, I still can very easily go back to that dark lonely place especially at this time of year.
But we are worth so so much more than what these men offer us, they do not deserve our love or even sorrow. I felt sorry for my ex last week and feel he hoodwinked me again, he is so expert at it.
Take care of yourself and talk on here, it is your savoir, it builds our resilience and allows us very gently to move forward one step at a time. cyber hug coming your way 🙂 xx

[Nova]

W, Hi
I have been in the same type of situ…& it’s hellish.
The pain of being ignored and ontop of that, told that your just …over thinking, or the silent treatment…nothing! Absolutely nowt…no hand holding no arm around the shoulder, the tiny supportive words…that mean SO much, as if your in a actual relationship!

After all the shouting had ended then came the silence, the passive agressive attitude…like I didn’t even exist!

Eventually ..enough was enough…& after many years, too many,
I’m recently out…there’s not a day goes by atm that I want to ring him and ask, Why? I know we are trying to heal…BUT …what about a bit of them having some balls, stepping up, like a ‘normal bloke’…there are some!…& saying SORRY for the hurt…even if it’s all over and I f’d it up!

Why not be honest…just! For a change?

I reckon it would be a big step in their recovery

C x

[Nova]

…trust me, I know that’s not going to happen! But …what if?!
Wouldn’t the world be a better place! Happy NY Eve Ladies …
Cx

[Jupiter]

Hi

Yes would be fantastic if abusers apologised to us but unlikely to happen.Firstly they lack the b…s and secondly they are immature and then as narcs this would disable one of their main tools:projection because this would bring them face to face with their own horrible reality-themselves as impaired human beings. If sorry was possible it would mean a lot to us but only if sincere .We have already been showered with enough lies and deception.
Looking back after childbirth with post natal depression my ex told me I was a selfish b…. and that he would take our small kids away. A while later his threat came true.Even today he is in denial about his outrageous behaviour because he believes his own twisted mind.Just as emotional abuse is unseen a sadistic mind is dangerous as it leaves no footprints.
Jupiter

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